imagine your hand full of mud.
now imagine your mind, heart, and soul trying so hard to understand, define, label, and make sense of the complexities of God, Jesus, Love, and Time
now, imagine yourself smearing the mud all over your face.
...i can't fully make out what is ahead of me
...i call myself a Christian
...i believe in the life and promise of Jesus Christ
...i have my doubts, questions, and concerns
...i have my stories, experiences, and usually an explanation for everything
...not for this
...i have learned to know that pursuit of truth is essential to a good life
...is there more to this life than the mold, the story, and the outcome that is painted by tradition and religion?
...should one's journey for where he/she stands here and now have as much weight and ecstasy as one's story being told long after they were alive and breathing?
...allow yourself to get smacked by grace and humility once and awhile - if not often
...i must
...ah, judgement - an accepted, embraced, and firmly nourished "SIN" that perfectly fits into the capacity of grace for us all. ;)
...homosexuality = sin. really? - who said? maybe "we" should come up with a new word for committed love between two people of the same sex...might give those who want to live a free and open life a chance to love themselves and develop relationship with God the Father...hmmm, truth might actually have a chance to seep in and heal the hearts of so many men and women burned by religion. gosh.
...ah, divorce. haha. the tolerance here is a crack-up. it's so obvious. but easily ignored. let's continue this...please.
...there has to be room for taking what was written long ago and working hard to make it alive in today's culture...right? holy spirit?
...i won't allow this inner vortex of guilt, fear, and insecurity to win the race today
...i will go to bed a free, thankful, and confident man
...a freedom in colorful pursuit of love - for others and myself
...a thankfulness that blankets every breathe i am granted
...and ultimately a confidence that this ongoing conversation i am having with God is shaping a bright and powerful future
...love more
amen
2 comments:
This is by far my favorite thing you have written.
Im not sure what you are going through, and what struggles you may be encountering, but I know that you will find the beauty of Gods love hidden within. Much like the way you have inspired me to do the same with my troubles and pain.
Im truly amazed and inspired by how you continue to seek meaning in life and in all your experiences. Such a rarity you are, Jonathon Stalls. If more people were cut from your mold, able to take our broken human nature and find the unconditional love within, then we would be on our way to truly experiencing a piece of Heaven on our dusty, rotten, hate driven Earth.
Keep striving, loving, struggling, reflecting, pursuing, praying, fulfilling, confirming, breathing and believing the way that is unique to ONLY YOU and your great big over-sized, complicated heart. -c
"You are unrepeatable. There is a magic about you that is all your one..." -D.M. Dellinger
Jon. Fantastic thoughts! Great writing. Honest grace. Beautiful.
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