Choosing to swim

Ride the wave.
Let things be.
Go with the flow.
See what happens.
It will all work out.

Today its false.
Today the wave is too big.
Today its avoidance.
Today I can't fully breathe.
What happens when I can't see?
What will it look like when its all 'worked out'?

Grab your gut, grow up and be bold to face hard things.

Doubt is finding too much fertile soil.
Tears fill the rims of eyes in hopes of drowning honesty.
Hands grasp tightly in fear of letting go.
Flesh runs for shelter.
Spirit chains itself to patience.
Memories and time wage war.
Expectations, assumptions and judgments fill the front lines.
The medicine man speaks to the ear that will listen.

There's nothing easy about love.
Oh, secrets.
Oh, radiant color.
Groaning.
Longing.
Reaching.

I won't just ride the wave today.
I'd rather swim.

Oh man who loves and gazes at another man
Oh woman who loves and gazes at another woman
Oh woman who loves and gazes at another man
Oh man who loves and gazes at another woman
 
I love you.
I understand you. 

Life at 3 MPH - TEDxYOUTH@MileHigh

I'm Scared Of It All

(photo taken in rural Utah on Kivawalk.com in 2010) 

...such an incredible collection of words. It pulls and tugs in some of my deepest places.

I'm Scared Of It All 

I'm scared of it all, God's truth! so I am;
It's too big and brutal for me.
My nerve's on the raw and I don't give a damn
For all the "hoorah" that I see.
I'm pinned between subway and overhead train,
Where automobillies swoop down:
Oh, I want to go back to the timber again --
I'm scared of the terrible town.

I want to go back to my lean, ashen plains;
My rivers that flash into foam; My ultimate valleys where solitude reigns;
My trail from Fort Churchill to Nome.
My forests packed full of mysterious gloom,
My ice-fields agrind and aglare:
The city is deadfalled with danger and doom --
I know that I'm safer up there.

I watch the wan faces that flash in the street;
All kinds and all classes I see.
Yet never a one in the million I meet,
Has the smile of a comrade for me.
Just jaded and panting like dogs in a pack;
Just tensed and intent on the goal:
O God! but I'm lonesome -- I wish I was back,
Up there in the land of the Pole.

I wish I was back on the Hunger Plateaus,
And seeking the lost caribou;
I wish I was up where the Coppermine flows
To the kick of my little canoe.
I'd like to be far on some weariful shore,
In the Land of the Blizzard and Bear;
Oh, I wish I was snug in the Arctic once more,
For I know I am safer up there!

I prowl in the canyons of dismal unrest;
I cringe -- I'm so weak and so small.
I can't get my bearings, I'm crushed and oppressed
With the haste and the waste of it all.
The slaves and the madman, the lust and the sweat,
The fear in the faces I see;
The getting, the spending, the fever, the fret --
It's too bleeding cruel for me.

I feel it's all wrong, but I can't tell you why --
The palace, the hovel next door;
The insolent towers that sprawl to the sky,
The crush and the rush and the roar.
I'm trapped like a fox and I fear for my pelt;
I cower in the crash and the glare;
Oh, I want to be back in the avalanche belt,
For I know that it's safer up there!

I'm scared of it all: Oh, afar I can hear
The voice of my solitudes call!
We're nothing but brute with a little veneer,
And nature is best after all.
There's tumult and terror abroad in the street;
There's menace and doom in the air;
I've got to get back to my thousand-mile beat;
The trail where the cougar and silver-tip meet;
The snows and the camp-fire, with wolves at my feet;
Good-bye, for it's safer up there.

To be forming good habits up there;
To be starving on rabbits up there;
In your hunger and woe,
Though it's sixty below,
Oh, I know that it's safer up there!

- Robert William Service

Walking to Connect

For those of you who don't know I'm pursuing a project called @Walk2Connect.
- This is about taking people on walks.
- Providing tools for people to conceptualize taking half-day, entire day or multi-day walks
- Starting needed conversations that walking goes deeper than just physical health.
- Fueling a movement of connectivity through walking.

Please check out the website and sign-on to the e-list if you want our updates!

I'm reading a great new book now called "Wanderlust ...a history of walking" by Rebecca Solnit. Amazing. Here's a quote from today's reading I thought I would share:

"There was a joy, she said, to finding that her body was adequate to get her where she was going, and it was a gift to develop and more tangible, concrete relationship to her neighborhood and its residents. We talked about the more stately sense of time one has on-foot and on public transit, where things must be planned and scheduled beforehand, rather than rushed through at the last minute, and about the sense of place that can only be gained on foot. Many people nowadays live in a series of interiors - home, car, gym, office, shops - disconnected from each other. On-foot everything stays connected, for while walking one occupies the spaces between those interiors in the same way one occupies those interiors. One lives in the whole world rather than interiors built up against it." - Solnit

A Time for Honest Dialogue... 2012

("Dialogue" by Doc Ross)

Today I spent an unusual amount of time reading reports, updates, thoughts, reflections and most of all - raw opinions - on issues that have really fired people up in 2011. The HOT ones. The ones that drive rivers of rage in and through our bodies.

Let's put some of the issues on the table:

Liberals vs Conservatives
Right Wing vs Left Wing
Occupy vs Tea Party
1% vs 99%
Being LGBT and Christian
Being LGBT and Muslim
LGBT Marriage
LGBT Sex
Undocumented Immigrants
Borders
Pro-Life or Pro-Choice

Here's more:

Slavery
Black vs White
Gentile vs Jew
Uncircumcised vs Circumcised
Divorce
Abominations
Head Covering
Women in Leadership

So now that I've got your attention... or better yet, I've possibly gotten you stirred up already. Take a few breaths.

A calm question: do you already (in a matter of sentences) feel firmly planted in your position on how you feel about the above HOT topics?

Reflect a bit.

I'm going to list several words and phrases below. Think on them as you will.

Grace
Compassion
Listening
Learning
Hope
Healthy Relationship
Dreams
Faith
Belief
Traditions
Honesty
My Story
Your Story
Do I make sense?
Do you make sense?
Culture
Freedom
Love
Integrity
Share
Each other
Together
Unity
Peace
Clarity

Before we go further I want to make clear that I have simply listed (some) hot issues and a series of words here. Many who read this (if I haven't lost you already) will jump to assumptions that an agenda is forming.

Let's name some of the possible agendas:

Tolerance
Acceptance
Affirming
Anything Goes
Everything Goes
We're all the same
Hippie
Over emotional
Feminine
Ignoring Truth
Ignoring God's law

If at all possible, I would advise that you re-read through these words. Try to read through them only as words and (as much as you can) disconnected from your own thoughts, ideas and influences. Simply take each word for what it means. For example: Head Coverings: cloth or garment placed on one's head and/or Integrity: The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.

Now that you have re-read through the terms let's think about the following term:

Dialogue

What does the word mean?

Dialogue defined:

...maybe as simple as: conversation between two or more persons

...or more specific: an exchange of ideas or opinions on a particular issue, especially a political or religious issue, with a view to reaching an amicable agreement or settlement.

Do you feel that you have allowed yourself to have 'Honest Dialogue' with others who would oppose your strong beliefs on these issue?

Let's again remember that dialogue is usually - in it's nature - calm and open.

Dialogue is not an argument.
Dialogue is not a session to be convinced or to do the convincing.
Persuasion is not dialogue.

Would you agree that inter-personal, relational, local, national and global tension is rising?

I've worked hard to keep this post as unbiased and open as possible. Try reading through this again if you have doubts. Is there hope for a country, a community, a family, a neighborhood to prioritize these conversations to create (if nothing else) less violence, less hate, less isolation, less insecurity and less polarization... less tension.

The human story - our story - is worth it. I hope. Will we drive ourselves into destruction if we don't simply - better understand each other?

I challenge all of you (as I challenge myself) to engage in more Honest Dialogue as we move into 2012.

Parks, railroads, trails, back yards and open spaces can be some of the best places to try...

Thanks for reading.

What Are People For?

Read this today as a group of Colorado clergy from 6 different congregations gathered to push ideas, passion and heart towards justice issues:

"When a community loses its memory, its members no longer know one another. How can they know one another if they have forgotten or have never learned one another’s stories? If they do not know one another’s stories, how can they know whether or not to trust one another? People who do not trust one another do not help one another, and moreover they fear one another. And this is our predicament now... (for) most of us no longer talk with each other, much less tell each other stories. We tell our stories now mostly to doctors or lawyers or psychiatrists or insurance adjusters or the police, not to our neighbors for their (and our) entertainment."

- Wendell Berry, essayist

3,030 miles later...

Greetings...

On November 13th, 2010 family, supporters and new friends walked with 'us' as we finished our 8 month walk across the USA from Lewes, Delaware to San Francisco, CA. This experience was simply life-changing and worth every step. You can follow our 242 day on-foot journey HERE.

I will start using this blog again for occasional 'life' updates, thoughts, and reflections.

Stay tuned to photos and video from Ankara, Turkey.. Will be visiting my beautiful sister, Tracy Stalls next week (January 5-15th)! yOw

Cheers for now & a very HAPPY NEW YEAR to you and yours,

Jonathon & Kanoa

(Below is a goofy video of Kanoa showing the pillow his mighty neck strength - haha)

2010 - a prayer for America

Faithful Leader:

I ask that you:

...cover, bless, and protect Kanoa and I throughout my up and coming journey across America.
...plant seeds of courage, love, and authentic community in the many many 'walks of life' we engage along the way.
...encourage others to reach out and participate in this on-foot narrative.

I ask that giving, sharing, grace, confidence, and faith play significant roles in the many experiences along the way.

Bless this trip.

Your faithful son,

Jonathon

Departure: March 1st
Follow us: WWW.KIVAWALK.COM
Book Recommendation: The Divine Commodity - by Skye Jethani


Let America Be America Again - By: Langston Hughes

Let America be America again.
Let it be the dream it used to be.
Let it be the pioneer on the plain
Seeking a home where he himself is free.

(America never was America to me.)

Let America be the dream the dreamers dreamed--
Let it be that great strong land of love
Where never kings connive nor tyrants scheme
That any man be crushed by one above.

(It never was America to me.)

O, let my land be a land where Liberty
Is crowned with no false patriotic wreath,
But opportunity is real, and life is free,
Equality is in the air we breathe.

(There's never been equality for me,
Nor freedom in this "homeland of the free.")

Say, who are you that mumbles in the dark?
And who are you that draws your veil across the stars?

I am the poor white, fooled and pushed apart,
I am the Negro bearing slavery's scars.
I am the red man driven from the land,
I am the immigrant clutching the hope I seek--
And finding only the same old stupid plan
Of dog eat dog, of mighty crush the weak.

I am the young man, full of strength and hope,
Tangled in that ancient endless chain
Of profit, power, gain, of grab the land!
Of grab the gold! Of grab the ways of satisfying need!
Of work the men! Of take the pay!
Of owning everything for one's own greed!

I am the farmer, bondsman to the soil.
I am the worker sold to the machine.
I am the Negro, servant to you all.
I am the people, humble, hungry, mean--
Hungry yet today despite the dream.
Beaten yet today--O, Pioneers!
I am the man who never got ahead,
The poorest worker bartered through the years.

Yet I'm the one who dreamt our basic dream
In the Old World while still a serf of kings,
Who dreamt a dream so strong, so brave, so true,
That even yet its mighty daring sings
In every brick and stone, in every furrow turned
That's made America the land it has become.
O, I'm the man who sailed those early seas
In search of what I meant to be my home--
For I'm the one who left dark Ireland's shore,
And Poland's plain, and England's grassy lea,
And torn from Black Africa's strand I came
To build a "homeland of the free."

The free?

Who said the free? Not me?
Surely not me? The millions on relief today?
The millions shot down when we strike?
The millions who have nothing for our pay?
For all the dreams we've dreamed
And all the songs we've sung
And all the hopes we've held
And all the flags we've hung,
The millions who have nothing for our pay--
Except the dream that's almost dead today.

O, let America be America again--
The land that never has been yet--
And yet must be--the land where every man is free.
The land that's mine--the poor man's, Indian's, Negro's, ME--
Who made America,
Whose sweat and blood, whose faith and pain,
Whose hand at the foundry, whose plow in the rain,
Must bring back our mighty dream again.

Sure, call me any ugly name you choose--
The steel of freedom does not stain.
From those who live like leeches on the people's lives,
We must take back our land again,
America!

O, yes,
I say it plain,
America never was America to me,
And yet I swear this oath--
America will be!

Out of the rack and ruin of our gangster death,
The rape and rot of graft, and stealth, and lies,
We, the people, must redeem
The land, the mines, the plants, the rivers.
The mountains and the endless plain--
All, all the stretch of these great green states--
And make America again!

L I V E

The rush of recognizing my beating heart...
The sensation in 'love' and all of it's possibilites...

The risk in dancing when there is no music...
The chance to dream and imagine life outside of what you see...

Steps of faith that go beyond logic...
Thoughts of color that cease to exist...

Feel yourself breathe

1

2

Slow down to see wind blowing a tree
Reach out and allow the air to wrap itself around your arm
Sit down, close your eyes, and let the sounds of our world tell you a story

Live in hope, color, and confidence

Ignore the meaningless noise

Avoid the dull, the gray, and the timid

yOw

.. . ..

"Our spiritual imaginations have fallen asleep on the comfortable mattress of the consumer culture, and before any remedy for the church can be prescribed our dormant imaginations must be stirred form their slumber."

- Skye Jethani The Devine Commodity

Peace

My soul, there is a Countrie
Far beyond the stars
Where stands a winged Centrie
All skilful in the wars,
There, above noise, and danger
Sweet peace sits crown'd with smiles,
And one born in a Manger
Commands the Beauteous files,
He is thy gracious friend,
And (O my Soul awake!)
Did in pure love descend
To die here for thy sake,
If thou canst get but thither,
There grows the flowre of peace,
The Rose that cannot wither,
Thy fortress, and thy ease;
Leave then thy foolish ranges;
For none can thee secure,
But one, who never changes,
Thy God, thy life, thy cure.

- Henry Vaughan

Happy Thanksgiving! - So much to be thankful for...

a walk in the snow

it is truly amazing how much good you can find in moments.

in moments that are forced upon you by the design of nature.

after experiencing a long night and a late morning of walking in the quiet frosting snow I have been gracefully reminded of just how beautiful 'creation' is.

for example:

the wonders of how my eyes take in the light.

the peaceful feeling of being thankful, joyous, and content - amongst the stress and anxiety of city living.

the way my dog fights to be known as either a watchful and poised wolf sniffing and protecting or a playful puppy prancing amongst the untouched white blankets.

the mystery I am engaged to be a part as I allow myself to dream about love, my future, and the complexities of being vulnerable & human.

the miracle of breathing, bleeding, and touch.

the excitement of choice, risk, faith, and destiny.

the passion behind a winter kiss.

the dance of children as a snow man comes to life.

the unspoken music of all who share this magical snow storm.

God - Friend,

-Thank you for your natural wonders.
-Thank you for how you meet us in moments.
-Bring us life.
-Bring us love.
-Bring us out of ourselves.
-Take our hands.
-Take our hearts.
-Take our dirty feet.
-Cleanse our mind.
-Cleanse our dreams.
-Help us understand grace.
-Help us find freedom.
-Help us trust in you.
-Lead our fight to forgive.
-Lead our desire to be known.
-Lead our hopes for letting go.
-Thank you for loving us.
-Thank you for allowing us all into the conversation.

Kiva Walk 2 - update!

I wanted to share an update.

One: I had an AMAZING trip in San Francisco last weekend. Everything from meeting the incredible Kiva team to taking in the depth of culture hugging the bay area made this trip well worth the time.

Two: As I allowed the creative juices to flow in conversation with Kiva staff I decided on a new route. I will now depart from Lewes, Delaware and end in San Francisco, CA. I made this change for the following reasons:

- Walking towards family, friends, and close community here in Denver - where many have voiced sincere interest in joining me
- Having an exciting goal to physically meet Kiva staff and supporting communities in San Francisco as I finish
- Walking the entirety of the American Discover Trail (www.discoverytrail.org), which comes complete with maps, state-coordinators, and turn-by-turn support
- The personal excitement in making this a true coast-to-coast adventure

Three: Total Trip - 5300 miles!

www.kiva.org/team/kiva_walk

as;ldkfj;adslfjds!

Kiva Walk 1 - a rough introduction

Friends, family, and distant seekers -

(As many of you know)...I will be leaving in March of 2010 on a 7-9 month walk from Denver, CO to Portland, Maine. This will be the first of many posts and thoughts related to this 'large' and quickly approaching adventure....yOw!

Why this trip? - my answers are vast and they all center around connecting, observing, listening, and investing in - people!

Exploring well over 2,500 miles of our country at a comfortable pace with my super-mixed-mut-pooch Kanoa through hundreds of culture-rich communities makes me crazy....ahhhhh, the simplicity of a back pack, the clothes on my back, and the unpredictable terrain of my country and her people...

An equal heart-beat that pumps my drive to walk will be the effort in advocating and raising money for Kiva. Kiva is a break through non-profit organization that is changing lives through online micro-finance. In other words, providing small and manageable loans to start businesses for individuals and families in our developing world. Their success in shifting the world of charity towards an easy-to-use sustainable giving model is profound and has captured my spirit - I leave next week (November 5-8th) to rally and kick-off KivaWalk with their staff in San Francisico, CA!

I have posted a 5-minute video that will give you a window into how INCREDIBLE this organization really is.

If you are interested in joining my lending team for the walk please visit:

www.kiva.org/team/kiva_walk

You will see many KivaWalk updates as March gets closer!

Please watch if you are curious about Kiva and what they do:

a response to .. ... ..

A dear friend responded to my previous 'quote' posted as ".. ... .." (below). I thought his observation/insight was - spot on.

"Although it is foolish to waste time, waiting is not time wasted. Jesus waited 30 years before he set out on his mission. Just because he waited does not mean he did nothing. Waiting gives one time to think and have clarity of mind and to plan and to pray. I see where this is going, but put too simply it can miss a vital point. More haste, less speed. Patience is worth more than gold. Take your time, Jon. You live in the moment and that has it disadvantages aswell. Be wise."

Cheers to the -good- people in our lives who balance us out.

.. ... ..

"Men who have lived significant lives are men who never waited: not for money, security, ease, or relationship. Feel what you want to give most as a gift, to your partner and to the world, and do what you can to give it today. Every moment waited is a moment wasted, and each wasted moment degrades your clarity of purpose."

- Deida (the way of the superior man)

dear wind,

my eyes fight to stay awake...and yet I stay

my logic races to win...and yet my dreams always win

...

i just finished a cold sip of coffee.
i felt it go all the way down.
i stared at a bruise from having my blood drawn.
i answered the phone 50 times today.
i watched my dog get straight a's in training.
i ate casserole.
i smiled, laughed, and swapped stories with a great friend.
i shared my work day with my mentee - a rare and special young man.
i prepared for an exciting web meeting tomorrow.
i feel myself digesting a homemade scone.
i am eager to sleep.
i enjoy the smoothness of the keys as I type.

...

my longings are bigger than a sinlge person.
my longings are greater than a paycheck.
my longings are heavier than validation from friends and family.
my longings are challenging me to remain unsettled.
my longings are writing a story.

a story of faith, love, hope, courage, and selflessness that I am hopeful to better understand each day I get older.

...

...

"Whatever the specifics of a man's purpose, he must always refresh the transcendental element of his life through regular meditation and retreat. A man should never get lost in the details of his life and forget that, ultimately and in truth, life amounts to nothing other than what is the deepest truth of this present moment. Tasks don't get a man anywhere more conscious or free than he is capable of being in the present moment."

- The Way of the Superior Man

Today

Today...

I am sitting back in an old chair watching my mix-mut companion, kanoa - breath up and down as he eagerly awaits my responsibility in taking him for a walk.

I had coffee with two people today - my sister before taking her to the airport and a new friend who came back from a trip where he petted Cheetahs.

I read a great chapter in the book "The Myth of a Christian Religion" by Gregory Boyd. It was all about Ceasar and Jesus. It reminded me that working hard to filter thoughts, actions, and investments through the life of Jesus Christ isn't a bad, religous, judgemental, or close-minded effort. It brings me LIFE and it is GOOD.


Today...

...isn't JUST another day before a 'better' day comes along.
Today can't be wasted.
Today is full of opportunities, moments, and conversations.

I want to pay attention to the details.
I pray that today tangles me into every seed available.

Help me - help us - to never allow 'today' to become less than great.

I want to run with angels,
...dance with 'sinners',
...dream with children,
...learn from wizards,
...sing with women,
...hug the hopeless,
...share with strangers,
...eat with friends,
...love the outcasts,
...thank the givers,
and pray for fathers.

Cheers to today.

Make it great!

...thought spray

Life will fly right by us.

Live in the moment.

Embrace the risk to be alive and passionate.

Have you said sorry to them?

There are many cars driving over 70mph right by us.

The sky gets more and more unpredictable.

Go visit a landfill.

Have you told those you love that they are special to you?

People will come and go. some will stay.

We will break our legs, our cars, and our hearts.

Where is the new sale?

People want you to you love who you are. they really don't need things to look a certain way.

Does being homeless mean that I am heartless?

Why does committed love between two people of the same sex threaten us so much?

What devastating event in our life will force us to better understand the words "we, us, share, give, love, grace"?

...

what are your thoughts?

let's dance

In reading the book "SexGod" by Rob Bell I have been strictly re-affirmed in my deep and built-in need to connect with others.

I have always valued this.
The time spent with friends, strangers, family - people.

There is no mystery in observing our growing hunger to talk about others behind their back.

There is no mystery in our flippant usage of profanity and hand gestures when cut-off in traffic.

There is no mystery to the devistating hole that bares its ugly head when we have lost someone we love - whether in relationship or physical death.

There is no mystery to the actions of the quick-fix consumer and his/her purchasing power as a reaction or numbing agent to stress.

Why do we do these things?

- Well, I believe we will always meet reaction in the face of stress. I think it is a part of being human. It is natural.

- That said, I also believe what is natural is how we connect with others. We need to share, ask, question, trust, initiate, forgive, listen, and sit with - more.

We are not meant to be alone - in solitude. We are meant to share this place we walk on, eat from, and swim in.

We must connect more. We must trust more. We must allow others into our life and crave to be a part of theirs.

It is easier to have lunch with, dialogue with, and connect with those who are in our bubble. In fact, many of these friends and family feed us and are in many forms our - life blood - thus, making them a necessary bubble!

However.

I challenge myself and anyone who reads this to be mindful of the 'others': The people who represent the harsh words out of our mouths, thoughts, and actions. The unfortunate souls that continue to fry in our "gossip" world.

Those who annoy us, frustrate us, make us angry.
Those who have hurt us, hurt others, and dis-agree with us.
Those who have been mis-understood, manipulated by, and framed as.

How would all of the areas listed above change if we all spent more time -truly- listening, prodding, caring, and investing into those who became scum in the words or actions we exercise.

We would understand that they make sense.

They have had difficulty.

They need us.

They need a God that is bigger than the guilt, the poster, the sticker, and dare I say the default fix-it: devotional, book, or fancy 10K cross.

They need God in the way we talk about them - to them - and around them.

Our Holy Spirits are alive.

They crave to dance in the discussion...in the moments we spend with those we don't understand.

We aren't perfect.

We can't fix people.

We will lose patience.

We will give-up for a time.

We will fall and fall in an effort to forgive.

We must keep getting back up.

We are needed.

Fight the good fight.

the penis and the vagina

No...this is not about anatomy, sex, being male or female...and the like.

...

Curious? Uncomfortable?

I will tell you I'm 'unsteady' in selecting 'publish post' with this title.

...

Think about it. About our 'cover-up' culture.

...

I'm not advocating nudity. I'm talking about something bigger here...pay attention.

...

Are we utterly aware of our elephants? You know, those things that we don't tell everyone - or anyone. Back to the title. We are human beings. We have many - alive - and functioning parts - internal and external. Where do you think we would be as a country if we were more open and honest in healthy dialogue regarding our "private parts"?

Take this to another level...

These secrets, beliefs, dreams, experiences, hopes, longings, insecurities, ideas...the list goes on.

...

Sure, hiding is easy. We have mastered the art of doing so. (cubicles, large houses w/100 rooms, excessive shopping, distracting media, television, fast-food..etc)

These elephants are powerful when they exist solely in our head.
Don't you agree?
Sure we can shove them down, tuck them back, or cover them up - control them.

Let's face it. They are still there.

I don't know if I can describe a more challenging experience then when I allow others - those that I trust - to see these things.

Jesus is an example. He asks his followers to give up their control in exchange for life to its fullest. Give it up to who? I find that in prayer I can muster the words, thoughts, and wishes towards God in hopes that his large magic wand will cast her shiny eraser on my elephant...haha, maybe this works for some. It never has for me. In my experience, giving this control to Jesus - to God - has been the timely efforts of trusting those around me who love and care for me.

These conversations were profound. I allowed other 'spirits' if you will - into my pain, fear, and frustration.

Vulnerable - yes.

Empowering - yes.

I walk prouder, taller, and increasingly confident in a God that loves me unconditionally - a family of people that support me endlessly - and a growing drive to seek continuous freedom for others and myself.

Find people that can listen, support, and help you with your elephants...you might be suprised at how much they will honor your courage - they may just let you see some of theirs too.

Cheers - to a fuller life.

a new day

"When you arise in the morning,
think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive -
to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love."
-Marcus Aurelius

I love waking up...

I love knowing that my past is a lesson...

That my future is unkown...

More importantly I crave the feeling of the air that swirls around my present environment...in hopes that it will capture me and in a confident whisper remind me to pay attention.

Inspiring Song/Video: Feeling Good
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYyvmp_Mvb8&feature=related

muddy love

imagine your hand full of mud.

now imagine your mind, heart, and soul trying so hard to understand, define, label, and make sense of the complexities of God, Jesus, Love, and Time

now, imagine yourself smearing the mud all over your face.

...i can't fully make out what is ahead of me

...i call myself a Christian

...i believe in the life and promise of Jesus Christ

...i have my doubts, questions, and concerns

...i have my stories, experiences, and usually an explanation for everything

...not for this

...i have learned to know that pursuit of truth is essential to a good life

...is there more to this life than the mold, the story, and the outcome that is painted by tradition and religion?

...should one's journey for where he/she stands here and now have as much weight and ecstasy as one's story being told long after they were alive and breathing?

...allow yourself to get smacked by grace and humility once and awhile - if not often

...i must

...ah, judgement - an accepted, embraced, and firmly nourished "SIN" that perfectly fits into the capacity of grace for us all. ;)

...homosexuality = sin. really? - who said? maybe "we" should come up with a new word for committed love between two people of the same sex...might give those who want to live a free and open life a chance to love themselves and develop relationship with God the Father...hmmm, truth might actually have a chance to seep in and heal the hearts of so many men and women burned by religion. gosh.

...ah, divorce. haha. the tolerance here is a crack-up. it's so obvious. but easily ignored. let's continue this...please.

...there has to be room for taking what was written long ago and working hard to make it alive in today's culture...right? holy spirit?

...i won't allow this inner vortex of guilt, fear, and insecurity to win the race today

...i will go to bed a free, thankful, and confident man

...a freedom in colorful pursuit of love - for others and myself

...a thankfulness that blankets every breathe i am granted

...and ultimately a confidence that this ongoing conversation i am having with God is shaping a bright and powerful future

...love more

amen

...

"I can't control my destiny, I trust my soul, my only goal is just to be. There's only now, there's only here. Give in to love or live in fear. No other path, no other way. No day but today."

- Johnathan Larson (writer and producer)

...

God.

Help me be patient...Grow me.

Bring me closer to your thoughts.

...

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."

-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

My heart patiently strums for more of this in my life...

;)

good

the onslaught of task, obligation, and e-mail can spit all over us.

every day.

if we allow it.

a month ago my friend Mark and I knew that the fog forming in the cubicle world was going to suffocate us if we didn't learn to take full advantage of our weekends.
we proceeded to plan a trip for this past weekend to Glacier and Yellowstone National Parks.

we had four days (two of which were driving) to explore these great stretches of land.

INCREDIBLE.

this is the kind of trip that sticks with you...challenges you...makes you dwell on the real blessings in your life: your happier moments, your limitless future, and ultimately God...

in addition to the never ending shock of mother nature's magic in these parks, my trip was full and good because of what was shared between Mark and I.

we read (out-loud) a book titled "the Shack" in the midst of our 14 hour (one-way) routes both there and back.

we laughed. we cried. we stretched. we grew.

i am so thankful for friends...and in particular, those that invest on levels that go deeper...those that break down the walls of intrusion, comfort, and safety.

Glacier, Yellowstone, Mack (the shack), and more importantly Mark:

thank you.

for a refreshing jump-start into my faith, my passion, and my excitement for being alive.

Kanoa

Kanoa: "the free one" - Hawaiian

i embraced this big furball on Sunday after adopting him from a local shelter here in Denver.

he is a 2 year old mystery.

lost and found with no history.

a mixed/mut of what looks to be 3 or 4 different breeds.

he's big, goofy, personable, adventurous, and compassionate - perfect.

he is an incredible addition to my life and will be a key player in "next year's" activities! ;)

...

"We must delight in each other, make others' conditions our own, rejoice together, mourn together, labor and suffer together, always having before our eyes our community as members of the same body"
- John Winthrop, 1965

"a long way gone" - by Ishmael Beah

This biography is a great introduction for anyone who has entertained the desire to better understand or empathize with soldiers and war in Africa.

Prepare to:
cry
laugh
wrestle
question
doubt
hate
&
love...as you read.

This book gave me a beautiful and challenging graphic snapshot into the backbone of what it takes to survive in the darkest and most unimaginable conditions.

We are so fragile as people.
We are guaranteed nothing.
Safety and comfort are illusions.

...read this book.
click here

...video/interview with ishmael
click here