Oriah Mountain Dreamer

What you become is infinitely more important than what you do, or what you have. It doesn't matter to me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring in your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed for fear of further pain, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstacy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes withouth coutioning us to be careful, to be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. I want know if you can be faithful and therefore be trustworthy. I want to know if you can see the beauty even when it is not pretty every day, and if you can source your life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the sliver of the moon, "YES!"

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children. It doesn't interest me who you are, or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whome you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

- Oriah Mountain Dreamer, Indian Elder

Castle Peak : Perfect

Yesterday at around 1pm my friend Phil, his tired dog, and myself approached the rounded peak of Castle Mountain.

My first 14er climb in Colorado was full of scabbing falls, mysterious detours, adventurous glacading, and exhilarating views.

Castle Mountain: 14,265 ft. in the heart of the Elk Range.

Ahhh the mountains.

I'm addicted.

do you have 3 hours? or 15 minutes?

If you have values, morals, and a measure of desire to stimulate those:

Watch this movie.

If you can't watch the whole thing, at least try and get 15 minutes worth!

Would love to hear your thoughts...

Below is a link to watch it online for free

PART ONE
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3969792790081230711

PART TWO
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7365345393244917682&q=&hl=en

sometimes the feeling to run away hovers over me like a cartoon rain cloud.

should i?

could i?

where would i go?

how would i get there?

who would i tell?

what am i looking for?

what will i find?

what will i learn?

trusting in God can be so hard. to look to him and his strength when nothing else makes sense.

ahhh, the joys of venting to a blog.

Hold me Father as I tread in the quicksand of "pressure to be".

Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive -- the risk to be alive and express what we really are.
Don Miguel Ruiz:

Rain and the Rinoceros!

excerpt from Raids on the Unspeakable, by Thomas Merton

(the following passage is the beginning of an incredible writing A Trappist monk of the Abbey of Our Lady of Gethsemani, Kentucky - Thomas Merton)

I know it seems intimidating and like a LOT of words. Trust me. It is beautiful language!!!

Let me say this before rain becomes a utility that they can plan and distribute for money. By “they” I mean the people who cannot understand that rain is a festival, who do not appreciate its gratuity, who think that what has no price has no value, that what cannot be sold is not real, so that the only way to make something actual is to place it on the market. The time will come when they will sell you even your rain. At the moment it is still free, and I am in it. I celebrate its gratuity and its meaninglessness.

The rain I am in is not like the rain of cities. It fills the woods with an immense and confused sound. It covers the flat roof of the cabin and its porch with insistent and controlled rhythms. And I listen, because it reminds me again and again that the whole world runs by rhythms I have not yet learned to recognize, rhythms that are not those of the engineer.

I came up here from the monastery last night, sloshing through the cornfield, said Vespers, and put some oatmeal on the Coleman stove for supper. It boiled over while I was listening to the rain and toasting a piece of break at the log fire. The night became very dark. The rain surrounded the whole cabin with its enormous virginal myth, a whole world of meaning, of secrecy, of silence, of rumor. Think of it: all that speech pouring down, selling nothing, judging nobody, drenching the thick mulch of dead leaves, soaking the trees, filling the gullies and crannies of the wood with water, washing out the places where men have stripped the hillside! What a thing it is to sit absolutely alone, in the forest, at night, cherished by this wonderful, unintelligible, perfectly innocent speech, the most comforting speech in the world, the talk that rain makes by itself all over the ridges, and the talk of the watercourses everywhere in the hallows!

Nobody started it, nobody is going to stop it. It will talk as long as it wants, this rain. As long as it talks I am going to listen.

But I am also going to sleep, because here in this wilderness I have learned how to sleep again. Here I am not alien. The trees I know, the night I know, the rain I know. I close my eyes and instantly sink into the whole rainy world of which I am a part, and the world goes on with me in it, for I am not alien to it. I am alien to the noises of cities, of people, to the greed of machinery that does not sleep, the hum of power that eats up the night. Where rain, sunlight and darkness are contemned, I cannot sleep. I do not trust anything that has been fabricated to replace the climate of woods or prairies. I can have no confidence in places where the air is first fouled and then cleansed, where the water is first made deadly and then made safe with other poisons.......





People- amazing…he just keeps going, to finish the writing go here…!
http://books.google.com/books?hl=en&id=6rWhzqlpE2YC&dq=raids+on+the+unspeakable&printsec=frontcover&source=web&ots=gT1YYPsQsk&sig=MawV-jlgGbsjuF52ItX9XJsqXuE#PPA17,M1

it is finished.

Holding on to something that is painful seems normal...apart of us.

Numbing this pain has become second nature...daily.

There is something in that "pain" that convinces you to need it.

"You MUST keep "HOLDING" me."
"I am YOU"
"Who are you without ME"
"YOU NEED ME"

Its THIS voice that crawls beneath your skin and continues to cut away at
your spirit.


I am tired of this pain.

I am letting you go.


I will fight for this freedom....for this right to live pain free.


:)

poster title:--> when we are already dead.

Well. People.

Last week I joined a team of designers at Metro State College of Denver in a "Social Awareness Poster Workshop".

It was amazing.

This workshop was empowered with over twenty minds cramming loads of research and ideas for three full days.

From forest fires to breast feeding...suicide to child labor...road rage to unsafe meat....political ignorance to man-made poverty......and many more.

It was a great experience ---> Furthermore, because of how good they all turned out we are having a show on Feb 14-16...not sure where...but if your in the Denver area....pop me an email! calstallz@yahoo.com and i'll give you the info!

My poster was meant to communicate the physical and mental murder we conduct when we seperate people. When we remove the humanity from a person and their life and place them in a category... (for example) "Jewish, Christian, Homosexual, Heterosexual, Tax Collector, Prostitute, Criminal, Black, Asian, Liberal, Muslim, Democrat, Republican..." this list goes on and on....and at extreme cases we face the hard to fathom reality of "genocide"...I wanted to make us aware of how we label, categorize, and to some degree ultimatley destroy those unique brothers and sisters we share this great planet with.

again...i left me heart in Ireland

Yet again, an unforgettable trip to this magical kingdom of culture, friends, and tradition.

I charged the great emerald isle these past two weeks with four great friends.

Phil Johnson, Jesse Courtney, Tim Calimlin, and Tim Wolfe all agreed to take the plunge.

Ireland is so close to my heart.

We had an incredible time and are so thankful to all the memories and hospitality shared.

I'll post some more pictures in my picture blog here soooon.

...ah, a New Year

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;" ~Ecclesiastes 3:1-4~

ah, for myself...2007 was FULL of personal transition, inner-freedom, and life choices.

hope you make yours life-changing, we are guaranteed NOTHING in this life!

BRING ON 2008!

ah...the beaches of Colorado!

Just wanted to show yee people the incredible mountain I slapped around with my snowboard a week ago.

Crested Butte, Colorado! <---we got dumped on with 8ft + snow that weekend, uh-mazing.

It was my second time ever taking the plunge down a mountain.

Breathtaking. Sore. Foul-language. Tears of joy. Shocking scenery. Great company and community. Thrilling sport! ----> Im in love with it!

So good to be here!

Im off to Georgia for two weeeeeeeeks, then back to my second home---Ireland!

Happy Holidays PeOple!

Free Range Meats People!

Yo.

In my Philosophy Ethics course...we are currently being challenged by the morality and justification behind our current relationship with animals.

This subject is intense and for a GOOD reason. If you want to truly engage into the sick mistreatment that goes on behind the walls and mis-guided labels of today, go to youtube.com and type in "animal cruelty". You will "feast" your eyes on more than enough to stimulate the deep trench of ignorance we fuddle around as we eat, test, and innovate our way to tomorrow....(check out the coldplay video if you see it. although, I warn you if you are extra sensitive to viewing animal cruelty.)

The video link below is a simple and very popular cartoon to maybe spark some practical interest into the benefits of free-range products.

www.meatrix.com

Sista C-ssstaaaaav

Well...

On my way to the women's college volleyball mecca for 3 days!

Lincoln, Nebraska people.

The home of the "Germans from Russia Museum" <--what?? for real, its there! haha...

Nah, this is her last home game in the die-hard supportive Nebraska atmosphere!

As it is "senior" night our dearly beloved blood relative will be honored both as this being her last home match, but also for all of her incredible achievement as a player, captain, and leader for this multi-talented National Championship team!!

noomalump

I am so fixated on the love of God people.

If you can relate! WATCH THIS!

"Nooma - Lump"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKsg889nI7k&feature=related

If you are reading this and are either confused or uninterested because of my use of the word God....watch it still, id be curious to get ur feedback.....

biatchez!

The Great Symposium!

Philosophy is incredible.

I have taken several philosophy courses in my student journey at different schools and have loved every minute of it.

Our school library had a book sale two weeks ago and they were giving away thousands of books for only a dollar or two. I quickly grabbed a plastic bag and started rummaging.

I found the Great Dialogues of Plato lying in the bottom of a box. It was all torn up and mangled from it's previous users. It called ouuuuuuuuuuttttt to me and I nabbed it for its content and character.

As reading is one of the things I am really starting to enjoy I thought this would be a good challenge. Something with difficult English, deep concepts, and historical greatness......yup, and that would be an understatement for this book.

I find myself laughing, crying, and completely immersing myself next to Socrates as if I were Plato, watching every move and word from his tongue.

As I just finished the great Symposium chapter I am overwhelmed with reaction to its emotional and intellectual challenge. The idea of Love is so underrated and still to this day is almost seen as weak and something that less to be praised.

As a man who loves sports, the outdoors, and good beer I find that my culture tells me to shy away from expressing and wanting to talk about this idea of "love".

I wont give it away if you haven't read it, all I ask is that you go find the book yourself and enjoy it like I have. If your not at a place to enjoy books, then check it out on here:

http://classics.mit.edu/Plato/symposium.html

Would love to know what you think if you get to reading it!!

It truly is amazing to see and feel the connection between philosophy and thought on this topic well over 2,000 years ago.

"happiness is only real when shared"

AH.
(pictured above: a few of the most incredible people I came to know and love in our Roscommon, IRELAND family)

Just two blocks away from my apartment....

The Kickhouse. A group of people that are so accepting, loving, and authentic...

I am excited, curious, and more than willing to continue developing relationship and community through and with them!

The power of small groups.......---> people coming together to listen, support, and encourage one another.

I craaaave it!

Tonight we had an incredible group where one of the guys spilled his entire life story.

We started at 7:30 and didn't get out until 11.

Powerful!

If you have ever been curious about joining one...or also feel the craaaaaving to be apart of one.

SEARCH!!!! AND TAKE THE RISK.

Whether its through church, sport, community meetings, ahhh....anything.

Find it! and be open to the constant pricking and prodding at your own heart, passions, or questions.

Also...be prepared to master the under appreciated art of listening!

LOVE IT

I will be sharing.............ahhh.. my crazy life story in a couple weeks!

CraZY COLOR test. TAKE IT!!

Okay people. I am doing a study on color psychology. This test freaked me out. Please take it, its fascinating. It's based of off the studies of Max Luscher...

incredible.

http://www.colorquiz.com/cgi-bin/start3.cgi


UM?? this isn't me at all!?? AHHHHHH. Freaky. scary. ha ha

Feels that life has far more to offer and that there are still important things to be achieved--that life must be experienced to the fullest. As a result, he pursues his objectives with a fierce intensity that will not let go of things. Becomes deeply involved and runs the risk of being unable to view things with sufficient objectivity, or calmly enough; is therefore in danger of becoming agitated and of exhausting his nervous energy. Cannot leave things alone and feels he can only be at peace when he has finally reached his goal.

new... f O t O ...page. checK it oUt.!

www.stallzyfot-oze.blogspot.com

--------------> linx

Into The WILD!!...a must see!

FRESH NATURAL AIR, ENDLESS WILD LIFE, NOTHING BUT THE HEARTBEAT OF TREES AND SOIL....this is living!!

Wow. Last night I went to an irish pub and had a pint of smooth guinness with a friend. With intention of seeing a recommended movie from a friend we showed up right on time. Took our seats in this ancient old theatre dedicated to the incredible art of independant film.

Two and half hours, embarking on this journey based on a true story......intense, powerful, and simple.

I walked out of that movie, challenged, convicted, and emotionally scattered.

I can't describe the amount of sensativity I had to both the specific character and the storyline.

I crave freedom and I constantly have such a hard tug for the wild heart of a man.

Please go see this movie. It is well worth the 8 dollars.

I would love to hear feedback once you see it!

....ahhh save us from drowning in so many of today's lies!

uh...sick, wrong, ...halarious.

Ah, the art of late night procrastinating.

I am not meaning to brag. However, to pull out a van gogh in different colors in four hours the night before its due.

ha, eh....

...i dunno.

blah...

just needed to share....!

uh, shez amazing by the way.........

this is my sister.

she is a rare star that blinds people when shes around them!

http://www.huskers.com/ <---women's volleyball. amazing! uh, were going into business together.

fall 2009.

watch out.

.....hold hands with hot dogs people. its never to late.

i GaTz mY MenTEE !

Yo!

Well, I just had a long meeting yesterday with Friends For Youth. Its a local mentoring agency that pairs up crazy guys and gals like myself with "at-risk", fatherless/motherless kids. It's a great volunteer program and very similar to Big Brothers/Big Sisters.

I did tons of "mentoring" while I was away in Ireland and even in the hot sun of San Diego. I love it. One on One relationship. ITS so important. Especially in their teens when the rush of puberty comes and direction and questioning life consume the mind.
For those of you who are interested in it! PLEASE email me. ESPECIALLY YOU LADS out there . There is such a shortage of men that will step up to the plate!

To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world."


I am meeting the young man on Sunday and we will embark on our friendship this coming week! I hear the mother is a bit over protective and will be an exciting challenge!

Very excited and I will post once I meet this crazy cat...!

His name is Sebastian!

Hope y'all are welL!

www.friendsforyouth.com


OH, and my impulsive nature is going to be changing majors again this week..so, ill let u know..ha, wow. I can figure a lot of things out, but finishing this whole school thing seems to go against my character.

J

a word from Saint Augustine...

For one who seeks what he cannot obtain suffers torture,

one who has got what is not desirable is cheated,

and one who does not seek for what is worth seeking for is diseased.


Saint Augustine, Of the Morals of the Catholic Church

...thought

I was having a really tough day today...don't know why? I just woke up cranked...frustrated...and not in the mood for what life had.

It got worse and I kept staring down the dark hallway of thought like it was an endless tunnel of uncertainty and unknowns....

Then I started talking to someone in class, someone I had never spoken to.....I began laughing...and making fun of how they communicated...."as those of you that know me"..i tend to enjoy the art of "mocking".....

My entire perspective changed and I'm now bleeding with optimism...

AHHH... life is all perspective people.......we have so much to be happy about...

my advice to those that can relate:-->get over yourself for awhile and focus on how great someone else is....

blah...

exhausted by empty design....can I SCREAM!

Venting, thoughts, and the like....

While currently studying towards a degree in Communication Design, I have made the 5 day/ 48 hour sacrifice to volunteer at the bi-annual AIGA conference. AIGA is the professional association for design that offers professional support for today's top designers. As this has been an incredible opportunity making great contacts and igniting loads of knowledge, it has also been a heavy wake up call in general design character, extreme trendy culture, and artistic ethics.

There have been times during this experience where I have wanted to scream, tear down walls, and rip off hea.....I mean?!

Finding that I get very angry to blatant, crude, and vulgar sexual humor, I told myself to operate with a fresh force field of patience everyday as I learn to interact within this new culture. Constantly listening to heavy criticism, fashion boundaries, and egoistic attitudes; I again tell myself to relax and realize that not everyone in here is like this and that anywhere you go you will find similar energy. Furthermore, I tell myself that people make sense and I am NO better than anyone in this convention center.

Humbled and weak I again embark on a new day and welcome my fellow volunteers and AIGA employees with a smile and fresh attitude.

Command X is the name of the reality show that the conference in putting on. Going along with the idea of "American Idol," they bring seven design students from varying schools to compete against one another until all but one has been eliminated. There highly energized host who is accompanied by four preselected judges. Growing with optimism, I eagarly begin watching this entertaining display of humor, competition, and creation.

If you think about it, it's a great opportunity to go in front of 2,000 of the country's top designers and fight to create, for example the new Denver Broncos Logo.

As the show progressed the judges started making vulgar comments about each other and laughed them off as like it was apart of the show. There were a lot of jokes and puns related to sex, profanity, and the like. I am not a stiff, and I honestly don't mind the occasional "cuss" word in allowing some "exclamation" in my communication. However, abusing that form of communication in such a large audience on top of being a panel of judges who are suppose to be ideal role models for the 600 plus students in the audience seems that it should be unacceptable. It seemed to peak when the jokes started revolving around wanting to hit on or date one of the students. In weak attempts to create crowd giggling, SO much of the original purpose was lost in the immature comments and surface funnies. I felt as if I had purchased a ticket for a live high school drama on MTV. As I started to steam up, I decided to get out of my chair for the "vote" of the winners and losers of the second assignment.

Pancake covered sausages on a stick by Jimmy Dean was the challenge of choice. Funny, creative, and a great idea to keep the crowd engaged with an honest approach in displaying America's strange eating habits. It seemed like something that could be fun and hopefully shift the current energy. The first four examples were very unique and deeply creative and fit the assigned topic. Going with the sexual energy of the crowd, the last contestant chose to have a busty cowgirl riding the pancake covered sausage. Surrounded by sexually twisted text and an attitude of laying it all out there, she sold the crowd. They loved it. Clapping, screaming, hollering, and what seemed to be genuine laughter. Okay, so I smirked and gave credit, if nothing else, to the fact that it was very creative and well designed. However, when it came to choosing the 3 winners out of the five I didn't even give it a chance. Why? Because it was one step from communicating soft porn. It was all about Dalia and her meat stick. Before announcing the winners the judges clearly stated that there decisions were based primarily on there effectiveness in today's grocery stores.

Sure enough the cowgirl was a winner.
The crowd went wild. The judges laughed. The artist was pleased.

I couldn't sit, smile, or think clearly. My face was red. I wanted to hit something. Did I really just see an entire audience and panel of judges come together and choose an ad SO obviously inappropriate for the younger grocery store generation. Did I really see that collectively there was a priority given to the sexual humor over any kind of existing morality.

Ah, I know I have ranted to you people who have read this.

I am not perfect and sure don't have all the answers. I screw up and feel awful about what this crazy culture is doing in my own mind. However, I cannot help but burn, itch, and squirm at the obvious destruction and lack of awareness regarding this issue.

I would love to hear from anyone who has experienced something similar. I felt alone. I felt that I was the only one in that entire theater that could sit and watch what was taking place.

It seems like a simple story......something that any average Joe could just brush by.

I can't.

I feel convicted for just sitting there and watching it.

AHHHH...a;d fjlasjdfkjasl dfjlkas d blah......okay.

Hope you are all doing well! ....and I am doing really well, really!!! ....I just felt the need and desire to share!

Jonathon