A Torr Head Life

Walking to Connect

2012-02-17T16:11:00.000-08:00

For those of you who don't know I'm pursuing a project called @Walk2Connect.
- This is about taking people on walks.
- Providing tools for people to conceptualize taking half-day, entire day or multi-day walks
- Starting needed conversations that walking goes deeper than just physical health.
- Fueling a movement of connectivity through walking.

Please check out the website and sign-on to the e-list if you want our updates!

I'm reading a great new book now called "Wanderlust ...a history of walking" by Rebecca Solnit. Amazing. Here's a quote from today's reading I thought I would share:

"There was a joy, she said, to finding that her body was adequate to get her where she was going, and it was a gift to develop and more tangible, concrete relationship to her neighborhood and its residents. We talked about the more stately sense of time one has on-foot and on public transit, where things must be planned and scheduled beforehand, rather than rushed through at the last minute, and about the sense of place that can only be gained on foot. Many people nowadays live in a series of interiors - home, car, gym, office, shops - disconnected from each other. On-foot everything stays connected, for while walking one occupies the spaces between those interiors in the same way one occupies those interiors. One lives in the whole world rather than interiors built up against it." - Solnit

A Time for Honest Dialogue... 2012

2011-12-30T14:48:00.000-08:00

("Dialogue" by Doc Ross)

Today I spent an unusual amount of time reading reports, updates, thoughts, reflections and most of all - raw opinions - on issues that have really fired people up in 2011. The HOT ones. The ones that drive rivers of rage in and through our bodies.

Let's put some of the issues on the table:

Liberals vs Conservatives
Right Wing vs Left Wing
Occupy vs Tea Party
1% vs 99%
Being LGBT and Christian
Being LGBT and Muslim
LGBT Marriage
LGBT Sex
Undocumented Immigrants
Borders
Pro-Life or Pro-Choice

Here's more:

Slavery
Black vs White
Gentile vs Jew
Uncircumcised vs Circumcised
Divorce
Abominations
Head Covering
Women in Leadership

So now that I've got your attention... or better yet, I've possibly gotten you stirred up already. Take a few breaths.

A calm question: do you already (in a matter of sentences) feel firmly planted in your position on how you feel about the above HOT topics?

Reflect a bit.

I'm going to list several words and phrases below. Think on them as you will.

Grace
Compassion
Listening
Learning
Hope
Healthy Relationship
Dreams
Faith
Belief
Traditions
Honesty
My Story
Your Story
Do I make sense?
Do you make sense?
Culture
Freedom
Love
Integrity
Share
Each other
Together
Unity
Peace
Clarity

Before we go further I want to make clear that I have simply listed (some) hot issues and a series of words here. Many who read this (if I haven't lost you already) will jump to assumptions that an agenda is forming.

Let's name some of the possible agendas:

Tolerance
Acceptance
Affirming
Anything Goes
Everything Goes
We're all the same
Hippie
Over emotional
Feminine
Ignoring Truth
Ignoring God's law

If at all possible, I would advise that you re-read through these words. Try to read through them only as words and (as much as you can) disconnected from your own thoughts, ideas and influences. Simply take each word for what it means. For example: Head Coverings: cloth or garment placed on one's head and/or Integrity: The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.

Now that you have re-read through the terms let's think about the following term:

Dialogue

What does the word mean?

Dialogue defined:

...maybe as simple as: conversation between two or more persons

...or more specific: an exchange of ideas or opinions on a particular issue, especially a political or religious issue, with a view to reaching an amicable agreement or settlement.

Do you feel that you have allowed yourself to have 'Honest Dialogue' with others who would oppose your strong beliefs on these issue?

Let's again remember that dialogue is usually - in it's nature - calm and open.

Dialogue is not an argument.
Dialogue is not a session to be convinced or to do the convincing.
Persuasion is not dialogue.

Would you agree that inter-personal, relational, local, national and global tension is rising?

I've worked hard to keep this post as unbiased and open as possible. Try reading through this again if you have doubts. Is there hope for a country, a community, a family, a neighborhood to prioritize these conversations to create (if nothing else) less violence, less hate, less isolation, less insecurity and less polarization... less tension.

The human story - our story - is worth it. I hope. Will we drive ourselves into destruction if we don't simply - better understand each other?

I challenge all of you (as I challenge myself) to engage in more Honest Dialogue as we move into 2012.

Parks, railroads, trails, back yards and open spaces can be some of the best places to try...

Thanks for reading.

What Are People For?

2011-05-24T22:47:00.001-07:00

Read this today as a group of Colorado clergy from 6 different congregations gathered to push ideas, passion and heart towards justice issues:

"When a community loses its memory, its members no longer know one another. How can they know one another if they have forgotten or have never learned one another’s stories? If they do not know one another’s stories, how can they know whether or not to trust one another? People who do not trust one another do not help one another, and moreover they fear one another. And this is our predicament now... (for) most of us no longer talk with each other, much less tell each other stories. We tell our stories now mostly to doctors or lawyers or psychiatrists or insurance adjusters or the police, not to our neighbors for their (and our) entertainment."

- Wendell Berry, essayist

3,030 miles later...

2010-12-29T20:18:00.000-08:00

Greetings...

On November 13th, 2010 family, supporters and new friends walked with 'us' as we finished our 8 month walk across the USA from Lewes, Delaware to San Francisco, CA. This experience was simply life-changing and worth every step. You can follow our 242 day on-foot journey HERE.

I will start using this blog again for occasional 'life' updates, thoughts, and reflections.

Stay tuned to photos and video from Ankara, Turkey.. Will be visiting my beautiful sister, Tracy Stalls next week (January 5-15th)! yOw

Cheers for now & a very HAPPY NEW YEAR to you and yours,

Jonathon & Kanoa

(Below is a goofy video of Kanoa showing the pillow his mighty neck strength - haha)

2010 - a prayer for America

2010-02-24T16:03:00.001-08:00

Faithful Leader:

I ask that you:

...cover, bless, and protect Kanoa and I throughout my up and coming journey across America.
...plant seeds of courage, love, and authentic community in the many many 'walks of life' we engage along the way.
...encourage others to reach out and participate in this on-foot narrative.

I ask that giving, sharing, grace, confidence, and faith play significant roles in the many experiences along the way.

Bless this trip.

Your faithful son,

Jonathon

Departure: March 1st
Follow us: WWW.KIVAWALK.COM
Book Recommendation: The Divine Commodity - by Skye Jethani

Let America Be America Again - By: Langston Hughes

Let America be America again.
Let it be the dream it used to be.
Let it be the pioneer on the plain
Seeking a home where he himself is free.

(America never was America to me.)

Let America be the dream the dreamers dreamed--
Let it be that great strong land of love
Where never kings connive nor tyrants scheme
That any man be crushed by one above.

(It never was America to me.)

O, let my land be a land where Liberty
Is crowned with no false patriotic wreath,
But opportunity is real, and life is free,
Equality is in the air we breathe.

(There's never been equality for me,
Nor freedom in this "homeland of the free.")

Say, who are you that mumbles in the dark?
And who are you that draws your veil across the stars?

I am the poor white, fooled and pushed apart,
I am the Negro bearing slavery's scars.
I am the red man driven from the land,
I am the immigrant clutching the hope I seek--
And finding only the same old stupid plan
Of dog eat dog, of mighty crush the weak.

I am the young man, full of strength and hope,
Tangled in that ancient endless chain
Of profit, power, gain, of grab the land!
Of grab the gold! Of grab the ways of satisfying need!
Of work the men! Of take the pay!
Of owning everything for one's own greed!

I am the farmer, bondsman to the soil.
I am the worker sold to the machine.
I am the Negro, servant to you all.
I am the people, humble, hungry, mean--
Hungry yet today despite the dream.
Beaten yet today--O, Pioneers!
I am the man who never got ahead,
The poorest worker bartered through the years.

Yet I'm the one who dreamt our basic dream
In the Old World while still a serf of kings,
Who dreamt a dream so strong, so brave, so true,
That even yet its mighty daring sings
In every brick and stone, in every furrow turned
That's made America the land it has become.
O, I'm the man who sailed those early seas
In search of what I meant to be my home--
For I'm the one who left dark Ireland's shore,
And Poland's plain, and England's grassy lea,
And torn from Black Africa's strand I came
To build a "homeland of the free."

The free?

Who said the free? Not me?
Surely not me? The millions on relief today?
The millions shot down when we strike?
The millions who have nothing for our pay?
For all the dreams we've dreamed
And all the songs we've sung
And all the hopes we've held
And all the flags we've hung,
The millions who have nothing for our pay--
Except the dream that's almost dead today.

O, let America be America again--
The land that never has been yet--
And yet must be--the land where every man is free.
The land that's mine--the poor man's, Indian's, Negro's, ME--
Who made America,
Whose sweat and blood, whose faith and pain,
Whose hand at the foundry, whose plow in the rain,
Must bring back our mighty dream again.

Sure, call me any ugly name you choose--
The steel of freedom does not stain.
From those who live like leeches on the people's lives,
We must take back our land again,
America!

O, yes,
I say it plain,
America never was America to me,
And yet I swear this oath--
America will be!

Out of the rack and ruin of our gangster death,
The rape and rot of graft, and stealth, and lies,
We, the people, must redeem
The land, the mines, the plants, the rivers.
The mountains and the endless plain--
All, all the stretch of these great green states--
And make America again!

L I V E

2009-12-09T08:48:00.000-08:00

The rush of recognizing my beating heart...
The sensation in 'love' and all of it's possibilites...

The risk in dancing when there is no music...
The chance to dream and imagine life outside of what you see...

Steps of faith that go beyond logic...
Thoughts of color that cease to exist...

Feel yourself breathe

1

2

Slow down to see wind blowing a tree
Reach out and allow the air to wrap itself around your arm
Sit down, close your eyes, and let the sounds of our world tell you a story

Live in hope, color, and confidence

Ignore the meaningless noise

Avoid the dull, the gray, and the timid

yOw

.. . ..

2009-12-04T19:30:00.000-08:00

"Our spiritual imaginations have fallen asleep on the comfortable mattress of the consumer culture, and before any remedy for the church can be prescribed our dormant imaginations must be stirred form their slumber."

- Skye Jethani The Devine Commodity

Peace

2009-11-26T10:10:00.000-08:00

My soul, there is a Countrie
Far beyond the stars
Where stands a winged Centrie
All skilful in the wars,
There, above noise, and danger
Sweet peace sits crown'd with smiles,
And one born in a Manger
Commands the Beauteous files,
He is thy gracious friend,
And (O my Soul awake!)
Did in pure love descend
To die here for thy sake,
If thou canst get but thither,
There grows the flowre of peace,
The Rose that cannot wither,
Thy fortress, and thy ease;
Leave then thy foolish ranges;
For none can thee secure,
But one, who never changes,
Thy God, thy life, thy cure.

- Henry Vaughan

Happy Thanksgiving! - So much to be thankful for...

a walk in the snow

2009-11-15T11:37:00.001-08:00

it is truly amazing how much good you can find in moments.

in moments that are forced upon you by the design of nature.

after experiencing a long night and a late morning of walking in the quiet frosting snow I have been gracefully reminded of just how beautiful 'creation' is.

for example:

the wonders of how my eyes take in the light.

the peaceful feeling of being thankful, joyous, and content - amongst the stress and anxiety of city living.

the way my dog fights to be known as either a watchful and poised wolf sniffing and protecting or a playful puppy prancing amongst the untouched white blankets.

the mystery I am engaged to be a part as I allow myself to dream about love, my future, and the complexities of being vulnerable & human.

the miracle of breathing, bleeding, and touch.

the excitement of choice, risk, faith, and destiny.

the passion behind a winter kiss.

the dance of children as a snow man comes to life.

the unspoken music of all who share this magical snow storm.

God - Friend,

-Thank you for your natural wonders.
-Thank you for how you meet us in moments.
-Bring us life.
-Bring us love.
-Bring us out of ourselves.
-Take our hands.
-Take our hearts.
-Take our dirty feet.
-Cleanse our mind.
-Cleanse our dreams.
-Help us understand grace.
-Help us find freedom.
-Help us trust in you.
-Lead our fight to forgive.
-Lead our desire to be known.
-Lead our hopes for letting go.
-Thank you for loving us.
-Thank you for allowing us all into the conversation.

Kiva Walk 2 - update!

2009-11-13T17:37:00.000-08:00

I wanted to share an update.

One: I had an AMAZING trip in San Francisco last weekend. Everything from meeting the incredible Kiva team to taking in the depth of culture hugging the bay area made this trip well worth the time.

Two: As I allowed the creative juices to flow in conversation with Kiva staff I decided on a new route. I will now depart from Lewes, Delaware and end in San Francisco, CA. I made this change for the following reasons:

- Walking towards family, friends, and close community here in Denver - where many have voiced sincere interest in joining me
- Having an exciting goal to physically meet Kiva staff and supporting communities in San Francisco as I finish
- Walking the entirety of the American Discover Trail (www.discoverytrail.org), which comes complete with maps, state-coordinators, and turn-by-turn support
- The personal excitement in making this a true coast-to-coast adventure

Three: Total Trip - 5300 miles!

www.kiva.org/team/kiva_walk

as;ldkfj;adslfjds!

Kiva Walk 1 - a rough introduction

2009-10-25T21:28:00.000-07:00

Friends, family, and distant seekers -

(As many of you know)...I will be leaving in March of 2010 on a 7-9 month walk from Denver, CO to Portland, Maine. This will be the first of many posts and thoughts related to this 'large' and quickly approaching adventure....yOw!

Why this trip? - my answers are vast and they all center around connecting, observing, listening, and investing in - people!

Exploring well over 2,500 miles of our country at a comfortable pace with my super-mixed-mut-pooch Kanoa through hundreds of culture-rich communities makes me crazy....ahhhhh, the simplicity of a back pack, the clothes on my back, and the unpredictable terrain of my country and her people...

An equal heart-beat that pumps my drive to walk will be the effort in advocating and raising money for Kiva. Kiva is a break through non-profit organization that is changing lives through online micro-finance. In other words, providing small and manageable loans to start businesses for individuals and families in our developing world. Their success in shifting the world of charity towards an easy-to-use sustainable giving model is profound and has captured my spirit - I leave next week (November 5-8th) to rally and kick-off KivaWalk with their staff in San Francisico, CA!

I have posted a 5-minute video that will give you a window into how INCREDIBLE this organization really is.

If you are interested in joining my lending team for the walk please visit:

www.kiva.org/team/kiva_walk

You will see many KivaWalk updates as March gets closer!

Please watch if you are curious about Kiva and what they do:

a response to .. ... ..

2009-10-25T09:39:00.000-07:00

A dear friend responded to my previous 'quote' posted as ".. ... .." (below). I thought his observation/insight was - spot on.

"Although it is foolish to waste time, waiting is not time wasted. Jesus waited 30 years before he set out on his mission. Just because he waited does not mean he did nothing. Waiting gives one time to think and have clarity of mind and to plan and to pray. I see where this is going, but put too simply it can miss a vital point. More haste, less speed. Patience is worth more than gold. Take your time, Jon. You live in the moment and that has it disadvantages aswell. Be wise."

Cheers to the -good- people in our lives who balance us out.

.. ... ..

2009-10-23T20:38:00.000-07:00

"Men who have lived significant lives are men who never waited: not for money, security, ease, or relationship. Feel what you want to give most as a gift, to your partner and to the world, and do what you can to give it today. Every moment waited is a moment wasted, and each wasted moment degrades your clarity of purpose."

- Deida (the way of the superior man)

dear wind,

2009-10-22T21:54:00.000-07:00

my eyes fight to stay awake...and yet I stay

my logic races to win...and yet my dreams always win

...

i just finished a cold sip of coffee.
i felt it go all the way down.
i stared at a bruise from having my blood drawn.
i answered the phone 50 times today.
i watched my dog get straight a's in training.
i ate casserole.
i smiled, laughed, and swapped stories with a great friend.
i shared my work day with my mentee - a rare and special young man.
i prepared for an exciting web meeting tomorrow.
i feel myself digesting a homemade scone.
i am eager to sleep.
i enjoy the smoothness of the keys as I type.

...

my longings are bigger than a sinlge person.
my longings are greater than a paycheck.
my longings are heavier than validation from friends and family.
my longings are challenging me to remain unsettled.
my longings are writing a story.

a story of faith, love, hope, courage, and selflessness that I am hopeful to better understand each day I get older.

...

...

2009-10-12T12:03:00.000-07:00

"Whatever the specifics of a man's purpose, he must always refresh the transcendental element of his life through regular meditation and retreat. A man should never get lost in the details of his life and forget that, ultimately and in truth, life amounts to nothing other than what is the deepest truth of this present moment. Tasks don't get a man anywhere more conscious or free than he is capable of being in the present moment."

- The Way of the Superior Man

Today

2009-10-11T14:43:00.000-07:00

Today...

I am sitting back in an old chair watching my mix-mut companion, kanoa - breath up and down as he eagerly awaits my responsibility in taking him for a walk.

I had coffee with two people today - my sister before taking her to the airport and a new friend who came back from a trip where he petted Cheetahs.

I read a great chapter in the book "The Myth of a Christian Religion" by Gregory Boyd. It was all about Ceasar and Jesus. It reminded me that working hard to filter thoughts, actions, and investments through the life of Jesus Christ isn't a bad, religous, judgemental, or close-minded effort. It brings me LIFE and it is GOOD.

Today...

...isn't JUST another day before a 'better' day comes along.
Today can't be wasted.
Today is full of opportunities, moments, and conversations.

I want to pay attention to the details.
I pray that today tangles me into every seed available.

Help me - help us - to never allow 'today' to become less than great.

I want to run with angels,
...dance with 'sinners',
...dream with children,
...learn from wizards,
...sing with women,
...hug the hopeless,
...share with strangers,
...eat with friends,
...love the outcasts,
...thank the givers,
and pray for fathers.

Cheers to today.

Make it great!

...thought spray

2009-09-24T10:22:00.000-07:00

Life will fly right by us.

Live in the moment.

Embrace the risk to be alive and passionate.

Have you said sorry to them?

There are many cars driving over 70mph right by us.

The sky gets more and more unpredictable.

Go visit a landfill.

Have you told those you love that they are special to you?

People will come and go. some will stay.

We will break our legs, our cars, and our hearts.

Where is the new sale?

People want you to you love who you are. they really don't need things to look a certain way.

Does being homeless mean that I am heartless?

Why does committed love between two people of the same sex threaten us so much?

What devastating event in our life will force us to better understand the words "we, us, share, give, love, grace"?

...

what are your thoughts?

let's dance

2009-09-17T17:11:00.000-07:00

In reading the book "SexGod" by Rob Bell I have been strictly re-affirmed in my deep and built-in need to connect with others.

I have always valued this.
The time spent with friends, strangers, family - people.

There is no mystery in observing our growing hunger to talk about others behind their back.

There is no mystery in our flippant usage of profanity and hand gestures when cut-off in traffic.

There is no mystery to the devistating hole that bares its ugly head when we have lost someone we love - whether in relationship or physical death.

There is no mystery to the actions of the quick-fix consumer and his/her purchasing power as a reaction or numbing agent to stress.

Why do we do these things?

- Well, I believe we will always meet reaction in the face of stress. I think it is a part of being human. It is natural.

- That said, I also believe what is natural is how we connect with others. We need to share, ask, question, trust, initiate, forgive, listen, and sit with - more.

We are not meant to be alone - in solitude. We are meant to share this place we walk on, eat from, and swim in.

We must connect more. We must trust more. We must allow others into our life and crave to be a part of theirs.

It is easier to have lunch with, dialogue with, and connect with those who are in our bubble. In fact, many of these friends and family feed us and are in many forms our - life blood - thus, making them a necessary bubble!

However.

I challenge myself and anyone who reads this to be mindful of the 'others': The people who represent the harsh words out of our mouths, thoughts, and actions. The unfortunate souls that continue to fry in our "gossip" world.

Those who annoy us, frustrate us, make us angry.
Those who have hurt us, hurt others, and dis-agree with us.
Those who have been mis-understood, manipulated by, and framed as.

How would all of the areas listed above change if we all spent more time -truly- listening, prodding, caring, and investing into those who became scum in the words or actions we exercise.

We would understand that they make sense.

They have had difficulty.

They need us.

They need a God that is bigger than the guilt, the poster, the sticker, and dare I say the default fix-it: devotional, book, or fancy 10K cross.

They need God in the way we talk about them - to them - and around them.

Our Holy Spirits are alive.

They crave to dance in the discussion...in the moments we spend with those we don't understand.

We aren't perfect.

We can't fix people.

We will lose patience.

We will give-up for a time.

We will fall and fall in an effort to forgive.

We must keep getting back up.

We are needed.

Fight the good fight.

the penis and the vagina

2009-09-01T14:14:00.000-07:00

No...this is not about anatomy, sex, being male or female...and the like.

...

Curious? Uncomfortable?

I will tell you I'm 'unsteady' in selecting 'publish post' with this title.

...

Think about it. About our 'cover-up' culture.

...

I'm not advocating nudity. I'm talking about something bigger here...pay attention.

...

Are we utterly aware of our elephants? You know, those things that we don't tell everyone - or anyone. Back to the title. We are human beings. We have many - alive - and functioning parts - internal and external. Where do you think we would be as a country if we were more open and honest in healthy dialogue regarding our "private parts"?

Take this to another level...

These secrets, beliefs, dreams, experiences, hopes, longings, insecurities, ideas...the list goes on.

...

Sure, hiding is easy. We have mastered the art of doing so. (cubicles, large houses w/100 rooms, excessive shopping, distracting media, television, fast-food..etc)

These elephants are powerful when they exist solely in our head.
Don't you agree?
Sure we can shove them down, tuck them back, or cover them up - control them.

Let's face it. They are still there.

I don't know if I can describe a more challenging experience then when I allow others - those that I trust - to see these things.

Jesus is an example. He asks his followers to give up their control in exchange for life to its fullest. Give it up to who? I find that in prayer I can muster the words, thoughts, and wishes towards God in hopes that his large magic wand will cast her shiny eraser on my elephant...haha, maybe this works for some. It never has for me. In my experience, giving this control to Jesus - to God - has been the timely efforts of trusting those around me who love and care for me.

These conversations were profound. I allowed other 'spirits' if you will - into my pain, fear, and frustration.

Vulnerable - yes.

Empowering - yes.

I walk prouder, taller, and increasingly confident in a God that loves me unconditionally - a family of people that support me endlessly - and a growing drive to seek continuous freedom for others and myself.

Find people that can listen, support, and help you with your elephants...you might be suprised at how much they will honor your courage - they may just let you see some of theirs too.

Cheers - to a fuller life.

a new day

2009-08-27T12:08:00.001-07:00

"When you arise in the morning,
think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive -
to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love."
-Marcus Aurelius

I love waking up...

I love knowing that my past is a lesson...

That my future is unkown...

More importantly I crave the feeling of the air that swirls around my present environment...in hopes that it will capture me and in a confident whisper remind me to pay attention.

Inspiring Song/Video: Feeling Good
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYyvmp_Mvb8&feature=related

muddy love

2009-08-20T21:14:00.000-07:00

imagine your hand full of mud.

now imagine your mind, heart, and soul trying so hard to understand, define, label, and make sense of the complexities of God, Jesus, Love, and Time

now, imagine yourself smearing the mud all over your face.

...i can't fully make out what is ahead of me

...i call myself a Christian

...i believe in the life and promise of Jesus Christ

...i have my doubts, questions, and concerns

...i have my stories, experiences, and usually an explanation for everything

...not for this

...i have learned to know that pursuit of truth is essential to a good life

...is there more to this life than the mold, the story, and the outcome that is painted by tradition and religion?

...should one's journey for where he/she stands here and now have as much weight and ecstasy as one's story being told long after they were alive and breathing?

...allow yourself to get smacked by grace and humility once and awhile - if not often

...i must

...ah, judgement - an accepted, embraced, and firmly nourished "SIN" that perfectly fits into the capacity of grace for us all. ;)

...homosexuality = sin. really? - who said? maybe "we" should come up with a new word for committed love between two people of the same sex...might give those who want to live a free and open life a chance to love themselves and develop relationship with God the Father...hmmm, truth might actually have a chance to seep in and heal the hearts of so many men and women burned by religion. gosh.

...ah, divorce. haha. the tolerance here is a crack-up. it's so obvious. but easily ignored. let's continue this...please.

...there has to be room for taking what was written long ago and working hard to make it alive in today's culture...right? holy spirit?

...i won't allow this inner vortex of guilt, fear, and insecurity to win the race today

...i will go to bed a free, thankful, and confident man

...a freedom in colorful pursuit of love - for others and myself

...a thankfulness that blankets every breathe i am granted

...and ultimately a confidence that this ongoing conversation i am having with God is shaping a bright and powerful future

...love more

amen

...

2009-08-04T23:04:00.001-07:00

"I can't control my destiny, I trust my soul, my only goal is just to be. There's only now, there's only here. Give in to love or live in fear. No other path, no other way. No day but today."

- Johnathan Larson (writer and producer)

...

2009-08-02T21:01:00.000-07:00

God.

Help me be patient...Grow me.

Bring me closer to your thoughts.

...

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."

-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

My heart patiently strums for more of this in my life...

;)

good

2009-07-23T21:00:00.001-07:00

the onslaught of task, obligation, and e-mail can spit all over us.

every day.

if we allow it.

a month ago my friend Mark and I knew that the fog forming in the cubicle world was going to suffocate us if we didn't learn to take full advantage of our weekends.
we proceeded to plan a trip for this past weekend to Glacier and Yellowstone National Parks.

we had four days (two of which were driving) to explore these great stretches of land.

INCREDIBLE.

this is the kind of trip that sticks with you...challenges you...makes you dwell on the real blessings in your life: your happier moments, your limitless future, and ultimately God...

in addition to the never ending shock of mother nature's magic in these parks, my trip was full and good because of what was shared between Mark and I.

we read (out-loud) a book titled "the Shack" in the midst of our 14 hour (one-way) routes both there and back.

we laughed. we cried. we stretched. we grew.

i am so thankful for friends...and in particular, those that invest on levels that go deeper...those that break down the walls of intrusion, comfort, and safety.

Glacier, Yellowstone, Mack (the shack), and more importantly Mark:

thank you.

for a refreshing jump-start into my faith, my passion, and my excitement for being alive.

Kanoa

2009-07-04T09:51:00.000-07:00

Kanoa: "the free one" - Hawaiian

i embraced this big furball on Sunday after adopting him from a local shelter here in Denver.

he is a 2 year old mystery.

lost and found with no history.

a mixed/mut of what looks to be 3 or 4 different breeds.

he's big, goofy, personable, adventurous, and compassionate - perfect.

he is an incredible addition to my life and will be a key player in "next year's" activities! ;)

...

2009-06-17T15:45:00.000-07:00

"We must delight in each other, make others' conditions our own, rejoice together, mourn together, labor and suffer together, always having before our eyes our community as members of the same body"
- John Winthrop, 1965

"a long way gone" - by Ishmael Beah

2009-06-07T13:01:00.000-07:00

This biography is a great introduction for anyone who has entertained the desire to better understand or empathize with soldiers and war in Africa.

Prepare to:
cry
laugh
wrestle
question
doubt
hate
&
love...as you read.

This book gave me a beautiful and challenging graphic snapshot into the backbone of what it takes to survive in the darkest and most unimaginable conditions.

We are so fragile as people.
We are guaranteed nothing.
Safety and comfort are illusions.

...read this book.
click here

...video/interview with ishmael
click here

...

2009-06-04T14:26:00.000-07:00

"One final paragraph of advice: Do not burn yourself out. Be as I am-a reluctant enthusiast... a part time crusader, a half-hearted fanatic. Save the other half of yourselves and your lives for pleasure and adventure. It is not enough to fight for the land; it is even more important to enjoy it. While you can. While it is still there. So get out there and mess around with your friends, ramble out yonder and explore the forests, encounter the grizz, climb the mountains. Run the rivers, breathe deep of that yet sweet and lucid air, sit quietly for a while and contemplate the precious stillness, that lovely, mysterious and awesome space. Enjoy yourselves, keep your brain in your head and your head firmly attached to your body, the body active and alive, and I promise you this much: I promise you this one sweet victory over our enemies, over those deskbound people with their hearts in a safe deposit box and their eyes hypnotized by desk calculators. I promise you this: you will outlive them."

-edward abbey

thought spray

2009-06-01T19:51:00.001-07:00

things.

weight.

storage.

heavy.

more.

shut.

boxes.

rush.

full.

stuff.

...

light.

open.

release.

free.

less.

time.

air.

taste.

give.

listen.

...

as the thunder rolls outside. as my garden sprouts. as my feet itch. as my eyes get heavy. as my memories of the day roll by. as my hopes for tomorrow begin to form. as my hairs twitch in my nose as i exhale.

i am another day older.
........another day wiser.

im not promised tomorrow.
may God help me to make the most of each day. of each person. of each opportunity.
...

i will not be a coward. i will not conform. i will go for my dreams.
...

i am free.

...letting go

2009-05-29T09:17:00.000-07:00

letting go of something that you have held close to you is painful.

the very moment it slips from your reach your heart aches to have it back.

sooner than later the flood gates of "why" you held on slam open and fill the walls of your thoughts with great pressure.

there is loss, sadness, regret, guilt, and a firework display of questions that rage in an effort to erase your recent goodbye.

...

there is another side.

releasing something that seemed to hold you together for a period of time can be magical.

perspective takes a nose dive into your insecurity, your priorities, your passions, your ability or inability to cope.

it can shake your faith and send threatening vibrations throughout one's spiritual foundation.

life has a mysterious way of showing us where we need to go.

testing us for malfunctions...errors...broken code

it also pushes us to make hard decisions to do what is best.

we can choose to listen and move in the direction that whispers...

or we can ignore the voice and fight for the personal control we so easily seek.

...

i have let go of something dear to me.

i can't begin to see the whole picture clearly.

i crave answers.

patience and faith.

...

i will regain my strength.

i will trust the voice that guides me.

peace will soon follow.

thank you.

2009-05-25T09:30:00.000-07:00

"...at the end of the day, all we have is who we are"

im thankful today.

for all of those people who have dedicated their lives to something bigger than themselves.
for all those people who have taken risk for the life of another.
for all of those people who have given up comfort and ease for the greater good.
for the spirit inside of us that fights for us to be selfless and hopeful.

i have learned so much from you.

open

2009-05-20T09:56:00.000-07:00

"where there is an open mind, there will always be a frontier."

I read this rough printed nugget of truth yesterday and immediately stopped focusing on how I was going to fit the rest of the jagged fortune cookie in my mouth.

There was a pause that lasted for about ten minutes. I was overwhelmed with comfort, excitement, fear, and uncertainty.

I graduated college on May 17th... After seven years, I not only completed a rigorous series of courses taught by professionals, but I transformed into a passionate, free-thinking, open-minded, spiritual, soul-searching pod of authentic puss. These past seven years have been incredible.

The reality is that the open-mind is difficult. Authenticity is humbling and messy. Free-thought can feed hurricanes of challenge, doubt, and stress. The road that brings peace to myself and to others is a hard one. There is no "mystery" behind patience, faith, and trust....its just plain hard. There is no "surprise" in the peace found in forgiving and giving...its just hard. The journey ahead for the open-mind is not meant to be easy - it is a series of challenges that confront the design of the human race. The foundation of our souls crave to free our ability to freely think from the walls we so easily put up.

Truth moves all around us...and the choice to stop, think, and listen can boil our waters - as well as purify them for what is to come.

The frontier ahead is wide, vast, beautiful, dangerous, and full of surprises. My mind and my heart are open to its many colors and changing seasons.

bring the rain
bring the sun
bring the clouds
bring the wind
bring the birds
bring the trees
bring the storms

im ready

...

...a great message from the human race

2009-05-03T19:57:00.000-07:00

We the people of the United State of America announce:

$41.7 MILLION DOLLARS is awarded to Matthew Stafford from Georgia to play quarterback as a rookie this year for the Detroit Lions.

Great throw Matt!

Kid's got one hell of an arm!?

Justification.

Ignorance.

Denial.

Death.

...beautiful stranger

2009-04-18T22:29:00.000-07:00

written by Luke White...(adbusters magazine)

On a recent trip to Central America, I was hugely impacted by Guatemala City's 40-acre trash dump. I wasn't shocked by the vultures, the stench or the hundreds of people crawling in and around it like ants.

What got me were the infections.

The first infection I saw was on a withered old Mayan woman, her sightless eyes pleading for any charity I might spare. She wasn't blind in the traditional sense; her right eye had grown into a swollen black gob of puss that pushed her nose across her face and squeezed the vision from her left eye.

After that I began to see them everywhere.

The acrid air kisses every nick and scratch with its poisoned lips. The wounds fester, swell and throb red around the edges. They leak and spit puss, the infection traveling inwards, deep into the bloodstream where it squeezes the organs. Ankles swell until lymph nodes pop and legs shrivel into crippled stems.

If the vultures could, they would sing.

People working in the dump like to get right next to the dump trucks, where civilization's freshly unloaded burden sinks and pops beneath their feet. They work with bare hands, wearing discorded sneakers and blasting found radios. They hack and cough as lungs gargle with the gaping holes and scars of irreparable abuse. Old women set up ragged beach chairs amidst the stinking mess. They sit back and survey their horrid world, laughing out loud through empty gums.

Dear beautiful stranger,

There is a weight that builds in my stomach when I hear about the life you lead. I can't help but to feel sorry, sad, and helpless towards your situation. There are so many places I want you to see, people I want you to meet, and restaurants I want you to dine in. I wish that I could take all of your clothes and put them in our washer and dryer. I want to give you gift cards to a spa, a body store, or to Target so you can see who you can truly be. I want to take you to a dentist and have him work on your mouth so that you have bright white teeth again. I want to give you everything that is available to me here in the US of A.

......

Who am I kidding, what I crave for you is so much deeper than clean 'looking' things, lots of stuff made by people I don't know, and facebook. I want you to be happy. I want you to be pain-free. I want you to know that God loves you. I want you to know that I also understand the pain you feel, the sickness you endure, and the wounds you develop. The difference is that my pain, my sickness, and my wounds come from the inside. They come from a long storm of selfishness that breeds from uncountable amounts of possession, success, and outward beauty.

......

I am jealous of your smile.
I am curious of your external struggle to survive.
I am envious of your relationships with the people you love and live with.

Did you know that your smile is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen?

......

Stay strong stranger,

- Jonathon

get involved:

http://www.safepassage.org/

God is here.

2009-04-12T20:46:00.000-07:00

"...We all finished our request to God and my next sensation was beyond the words of the world. A vibration shot from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet, like a current of pure truth pushing out the old Peter and putting in a new me. It still seemed too simple. But I felt clearer, cleaner and different from ever before in my life. Something transforming had happened to me here..."

-Peter Jenkins, A Walk Across America

Happy Easter

He is with us.

risk taking is free...

2009-04-11T17:54:00.000-07:00

to laugh is to risk appearing the fool
to weep is to risk appearing sentimental
to reach out for another is to risk involvement
to expose feelings is to risk esposing your true self
to place your ideas, your dreams before the crowd is to risk their loss
to love is to risk not being loved in return
to live is to risk dying
to hope is to risk despair
to try is to risk failure,

But risk must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, and is nothing.
He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live.
Chaired by his certitudes, he is a slave, he has forfeited freedom.
Only a person who risks.....is free.

- Author unknown

The Curious City

2009-03-27T21:10:00.000-07:00

How do activities and terms like clean & trendy, open-lofts, morning-lattes, happy-hours, and fashion seasons get into our system?

Do we choose these investments?
Are they all good? Are they bad? Do we ask ourselves 'why'?

Urban Thoughts:

I will always enjoy the sight of my future in a large condo with clean walls and open space all while happily entertaining the thought of my slippers, bean bag, and art-deco sky chair. This would also include frequent visits to the local art galleries to fill my artistic voids in hopes to become increasingly inspired to extpress my own line of artwork. The small bakeries and coffee shops would strangle my senses and remind me to briefly slow down to have a small treat. This pause in my routine would have me glancing at others with strange arousal in the sight of a reciprocated enjoyment of coffee and pastries, thus feeding my daily stock of unspoken local community.

Is this it though? Is the potential idol of routine the point to why I need my coffee break? My work-out? My new outfit?

Balance:

Can we get to the place where the things we purchase and the possessions we hoard become a part of the greater community?... as well as embracing and finding joy in the fruit and purchase of prized goods as a result of hard-work and investment?

This collection of thoughts is the product of a short 4 day trip to Portland, Oregon. I enjoyed this place and the people I connected with. I hope to explore much more of what I call 'The Curious City' sooner than later. There is an unspoken mystery to Portland, and any city for that matter... that I can't articulate. What Portland offers is growing and special to those fortunate to be closely involved. With what seemed to be a haze following many of the locals, I also felt an emerging generation of optimism and creativity. I left inspired.

“I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.”

-Aristotle

"to the Irish"

2009-03-17T09:21:00.001-07:00

Ah, a wee bit conflicted on this great day...

I am challenged with the task of balancing the great "American" celebration of St. Patrick into my rich memory of my time living in Ireland.

Ireland not only taught me about St. Patrick's incredible faith and path in seeing freedom for the Irish, but I experienced the warmth and community from the Irish families at levels that can never be touched.

I miss the long nights of traditional Irish music, laughter, and story telling in the living room of the Donnelly house.

I crave to watch the young Irish students run around town in their uniforms and jumpers.

I hold onto the rich green colors that consumed my attention in our windy travels on the beaten paths.

The soft but radiant chant of Emma and the deep searching in the hearts of my Galway youth group fly with me today more than usual.

I miss you Ireland and I recommend to anyone and everyone that when/if they get to see this great country: slow down and learn as much as you can from the Irish and the way they choose to live. It will change you!

Happy St. Patrick's day!

"So here's to you and yours and mine and ours. If mine and ours ever come across you and yours, I pray that you and yours will be as kind to mine and ours as mine and ours have been to you and yours!"

...success

2009-03-02T13:14:00.000-08:00

To laugh often and much;

To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;

To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;

To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;

To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.

This is to have succeeded.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

... ...

2009-02-22T15:47:00.000-08:00

I just got off the phone with my mother. With whom btw...is an incredible woman who has so naturally given much of her life to others...

We laughed and reflected on the "routine" of modern day living for half an hour.

Can we trust our guts...when we feel like life is "flying-by"...?
Do we have what it takes to burn our schedule to get our spark back?

Jesus.

I build my values on his teachings. He asks us to lay everything down that would drive us further from love (for others and our self)...

What is good and what is bad?

Too much time and energy has gone into this question...regarding our choices...our dreams...our values...our thoughts...etc.

I ask you - & I ask myself to lay down the idea of Good and Bad...put it down...wrap it up. and throw it out.

we are called to live.
We are called to enjoy.
We are called to give.
...and ultimately we are called to something so much bigger than our eyes, ears, and noses can muster up.

Relax - be more present in your relationships - and trust...

empty stares

2009-02-13T10:42:00.001-08:00

Why don't you talk to me?

I asked you how your day was.

I looked at you twice...and,

I even turned over a bit to allow...ah

I am sitting right next to you. You must be busy, or thinking about something important.

I have no interest in dating you... I am simply wanting to share this space - this time - this moment with you.

I sat there once.

What is going through the window that is more exciting than what I could share with you...

I have an exciting life. I have good stories.

I would love to hear yours.

Your busy. I know.

I guess that means that I should be busy too.

I do exist though.

I will wait another day for you to say hi to me.

you are worth it.

-j stallz

perservere...!

2009-02-11T13:47:00.000-08:00

"Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained.”

- Marie Curie quotes (French Physicist, twice winner of the Nobel Prize, 1867-1934)

Ah, 2009 - I am embraced and filled with an exhilerating energy to be thankful, confident, and hopeful for today and the short future in front of me.

As I sift through my unique collection of pictures, cards, and notes of my past, I am quickly reminded of my deep conflict between pleasing others around me vs. living for joy and movement in transparency, love, and faith.

We do hold the power to turn our life onto a narrow path.

This narrow path may seem lonely, dangerous, intimidating, hard, and unknown....but, when you stop to actually see what your walking on, you become mesmerized by what you have just endured...and your eyes become wide and open with what is yet to come.

Thank you God for this week, for today, and for each day to come.

gratitude

2009-02-04T20:38:00.000-08:00

"Gratitude helps you to grow and expand; gratitude brings joy and laughter into your life and into the lives of all those around you.”

- Eileen Caddy

I am so thankful to my friends and family!

They complete every step I take in this walk of life.

untitled...

2009-01-31T16:36:00.000-08:00

love walks beside you
...and has nothing to say

love sits across from you
...and looks the other way

all it wants is freedom
...but in another way

you pretend everything
...is okay

my life's bleeding before you
...are you there?

ive rolled in the night with you
...were you there?

love is a raging river
...its not always fair

how do we let someone cover our sun?

how do we easily give all we've become?

i want to run
i want to run

from all that love has done

to follow a new moon
and to chase the living "son".

- Jonathon Stalls - 1/31/2009

a new day

2009-01-23T09:24:00.000-08:00

"We must look for ways to be an active force in our own lives.
We must take charge of our own destinies, design a life of substance
and truly begin to live our dreams."

- Les Brown

...one of many to come: "into the wild" inspirationz

2009-01-18T21:21:00.000-08:00

"Now what is history? It is the centuries of systematic explorations of the riddle of death, with a view to overcoming death. That's why people discover mathematical infinity and electromagnetic waves, that's why they write symphonies. Now, you can't advance in this direction without a certain faith. You can't make such discoveries without spiritual equipment. And the basic elements of this equipment are in the Gospels. What are they? To begin with, love of one's neighbor, which is the supreme form of vital energy. Once it fills the heart of man it has to overflow and spend itself. And then the two basic ideals of modern man - without them he is unthinkable - the idea of free personality and the idea of life as sacrifice."

- Boris Pasterniak, Doctor Zhivago
- Into the Wild, Jon Krakauer

uNiTy?

2009-01-07T09:28:00.000-08:00

I attended a Sunday morning service with my family this past weekend in Augusta, Georgia. The message was "unity". I have heard this word in Church often and very recently have spent a lot of time meditating on what that looks like in my life.

The hope for, belief in, and reflect on memories of when unity was strong in my life.

I am quickly reminded of my past when I see how my 13 year old brother reacts to a lack of "unity" within our family. I love my family and I value who they are in my life deeply. That said, I am not afraid to admit to the dramatic pits of alienation and negativity caused by the flaws that surround us as broken people. In fact, I am all too quickly consumed with my own inability to confront, express, and work through my own cravings and frustrations with unity in my life.

There is a dark storm brewing inside my heart and my ability to trust. It comes from an energy that I have learned to be the product of isolation and fear. I can get on my knees and ask Jesus for strength all day. This may help to get through moments of intense frustration, however, I know the storm will find me again. Am I prepared for its wrath?

I strongly feel as a man of faith that I cannot take on this battle alone. I cannot control this storm. I have a bag of wounds that will weigh down my spirit if I allow them to. Not only will I be useless and weak, but I will slowly shut down the people I care about the most in my life.

For if I fail to act, I sense this storm will turn me against them.

As I meditate on this topic of unity I search my soul for the strength to fight for it. To be free and to be strong against the storm that tries to bury us in our dirt. I must surround myself with "like-minded believers". I need them. I need to pray with them. I need to share with them. I need to care for them. I need them to care for me. That is Church. That is help. That is the "good fight".

Unity. Together. Brothers and Sisters.

Please walk WITH me, as I want nothing more then to walk WITH you!

they are for me

2008-12-27T14:18:00.000-08:00

The Gods' aren't angry...(title of a movie made by Mars Hill Church pastor, Rob Bell)

I sat with two great friends today and talked about life, dreams, and Jesus. How great are the moments when forces collide to discuss the pursuit of happiness, security, goals, and/or survival? Where do we get the strength to accept how unique we are? Where do we find hope amongst our growing lack of satisfaction?

Binding and Loosing is a term used by Rob Bell when describing the act of interpreting and better understanding the Bible for TODAY. As scripture has always pointed out: We are fighting a battle. This battle is against ourselves and our greatest allies "fear and pride". Today, freedom is sold, marketed, and tacked onto our cars with temporary stick. I watch movies such as "Into the West, Braveheart, and Dances with Wolves" and I am confronted with a pulse of freedom I have yet to fully understand. Will Barack Obama really "save" our nation? What kind of pressure are we putting on someone who bleeds just like you and I? This man has cried. This man has wounds. What kind of freedom are we seeking from this supposed "super" human? I am hopeful for change and I am excited for the new doors Obama will lead us through, however I am not content with placing my idea of freedom in someone whose insides look and feel similar to mine.

I have been every number on the "Christianity" scale (1 - being no interest and 10 - being sold out). I know what it is like to doubt and dismiss God. I know what it is like to be simply comforted by his presence...and I also know what it is like to be on my knees in honest faith and relationship with God. In my 26 years The Bible has taught me a lot. Binding and Loosing the words that were written to bring truth and meaning to life have been and will always be a part of my journey. Stretching and challenging the frequently translated original Hebrew text allows me to endure this narrow road towards inner peace.

Noise, law, religion, judgement, difference, class, and accolades will continue to flood the gates on this tiresome trek.

Can I turn off the noise, understand the law, face religion, avoid judgement, accept difference, destroy "class", and ignore the accolades?

I think I can try. "The Gods' Aren't Angry". They are for me.

...love in family

2008-12-06T23:55:00.000-08:00

"Be sheperds of God's flock that is under your care, serving as overseers - not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not greedy for money, but eager to serve; not lording it over those intrusted to you, but being examples to the flock."

(1 Peter 5:2,3)

I am so unbelievably thankful for the people in my life. I can't express how valuable it is to be present and open with the people you love.

Life is beautiful and full when you gather up the strength to step outside of yourself. I can toss, turn, dig, and dwell for so long in my mind. It is as if once I am there....the prison bars come flying in and lock me down. This mental bondage of stress and anxiety is no act of love.

I am a strong, couragous, passionate, loving, and faithful person. My weaknesses keep me humble and my strengths keep me going.

"Search me o'God and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting"

(psalms 139:23,24)

the good consumer...?

2008-11-26T19:28:00.001-08:00

okay. so I know I might appear to be the super "anti-consumer" with a lot of the information I post on here...

I sit in humility to the reality that I purchase all the time...I buy into the branding...and I buy things that I want.

that said....videos like the one shown at the bottom are not recommended to cast guilt, fear, or hatred towards capitalism...they are merely avenues in pursuit of reflection and/or challenge.

I think its important to check-in on capitalism.. to check-in with our values.. and to ultimately create a stronger awareness for what is good and what isn't.....

personally, I measure my morality to that of Jesus....thus, my questioning and frustration with our purchasing power rests in one question...

"does love, grace, peace, and forgiveness play a part in my spending?"

check out this video..its good.

http://www.adbusters.org/abtv/good_consumer.html

bUy nOthing Day - nOvemBeR 28th - 2008

2008-11-20T21:10:00.000-08:00

Yo people.

...interesting concept. i love it.

check out this video my sister sent me:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zNwWrtVoCI

...good

2008-11-19T13:47:00.000-08:00

"Sometimes, when I just want to quietly relax (but not necessarily be alone), I visit the old folks' home. I go to Ethel's room, and we sit together in silence for hours doing crossword puzzles. Ethel never bothers me because she's deaf.

We appreciate each other's presence. To her, I'm finally someone who isn't attempting a verbal conversation; who doesn't shy away when I can't understand her hand gestures. I can't imagine how worn out and lonely she must get, attempting to get messages and words across to people, attempting to communicate for the sake of some kind of human interaction.

And for me, she's someone who I can sit in comfortable silence with, without having to worry about what to say, or what questions I should ask, or creating an awkward silence. Someone I can have a silent conversation with by sharing air and passing time.

It's a form of human interaction in which both parties benefit and neither has to exhaust themselves due to a disability for the sake of not feeling alone. It's the beauty of understanding and being understood.

I've learned that sometimes the best kind of communication is just sitting next to someone and listening to them breathe."

- Eugenia Jobst

What an incredible collection of thoughts.

I crave presence with people.....words are great, questions are powerful, and conversation is beautiful; however,...sometimes there is nothing more peaceful than simply the beat of someone's heart or the brush of their breathe.

2008-11-12T14:58:00.000-08:00

"The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are.

You trade in your reality for a role.
You trade in your sense for an act.
You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask.

There can't be any large-scale revolution until there's a personal revolution,
on an individual level.

It's got to happen inside first.

You can take away a man's political freedom and you won't hurt him -
unless you take away his freedom to feel.

That can destroy him.

That kind of freedom can't be granted.

Nobody can win it for you."

- Jim Morrison

...love pains

2008-11-09T07:32:00.000-08:00

“I must learn to love the fool in me - the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries”

-Theodore Isaac Rubin

unique

2008-10-21T15:16:00.000-07:00

vibrant color.

i often feel strange. i often feel out of place.

i crave to share this world with someone who can taste the color of every moment.

what is the meaning of this bright color?

what can i learn from its blinding strike into my eye?

i feel the pulse in my veins.

im living. breathing. dreaming.

...go

2008-10-18T14:10:00.000-07:00

Walt Whitman - Poet

2008-10-01T16:13:00.001-07:00

Im doing a project for a college course on a couple poems by this great man. Check em out, and if you have time: browse his website:

http://www.whitmanarchive.org/

These are beautiful...

To You
http://classiclit.about.com/library/bl-etexts/wwhitman/bl-ww-toyouwho.htm

We Two Boys Together Clinging
http://classiclit.about.com/library/bl-etexts/wwhitman/bl-ww-boyscling.htm

Song of the Open Road
http://classiclit.about.com/library/bl-etexts/wwhitman/bl-ww-openroad.htm

Political Accountability - a must.

2008-09-30T11:48:00.000-07:00

If you get the time...check this website out. It helps to adjust the bias we so easily take in regarding our desire to understand politics: www.factcheck.org

Honduras...

2008-09-24T15:25:00.000-07:00

the beauty of Honduras and the crust of Central America that surrounds it is astonishing. this place is flooding with lush forest and rich soil. i stepped off the plane and became quickly swallowed by the fog and haze of the drastic humidity in San Pedro Sula. Hector and his brother "Walter" graciously picked me up at the airport after a 2 hour delay in customs.

from romping in the rain forest, laughing with the Soto family, and tasting the surface of Honduras's deep culture; i felt taller, wider, and clearer in thought upon my return to the US.

the people in this world are so unique. they are products of something i can only brush my finger on.

joy is complex.

perspective is priceless.

learning Spanish is a must!

Muchas Gracias Honduras

There are a few more pics under fot-oze on the linx box to the right!

Oriah Mountain Dreamer

2008-08-07T15:32:00.000-07:00

What you become is infinitely more important than what you do, or what you have. It doesn't matter to me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring in your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed for fear of further pain, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstacy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes withouth coutioning us to be careful, to be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. I want know if you can be faithful and therefore be trustworthy. I want to know if you can see the beauty even when it is not pretty every day, and if you can source your life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the sliver of the moon, "YES!"

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children. It doesn't interest me who you are, or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whome you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

- Oriah Mountain Dreamer, Indian Elder

Castle Peak : Perfect

2008-06-22T13:12:00.001-07:00

Yesterday at around 1pm my friend Phil, his tired dog, and myself approached the rounded peak of Castle Mountain.

My first 14er climb in Colorado was full of scabbing falls, mysterious detours, adventurous glacading, and exhilarating views.

Castle Mountain: 14,265 ft. in the heart of the Elk Range.

Ahhh the mountains.

I'm addicted.

do you have 3 hours? or 15 minutes?

2008-05-02T16:30:00.000-07:00

If you have values, morals, and a measure of desire to stimulate those:

Watch this movie.

If you can't watch the whole thing, at least try and get 15 minutes worth!

Would love to hear your thoughts...

Below is a link to watch it online for free

PART ONE
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3969792790081230711

PART TWO
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7365345393244917682&q=&hl=en

2008-04-28T08:52:00.001-07:00

sometimes the feeling to run away hovers over me like a cartoon rain cloud.

should i?

could i?

where would i go?

how would i get there?

who would i tell?

what am i looking for?

what will i find?

what will i learn?

trusting in God can be so hard. to look to him and his strength when nothing else makes sense.

ahhh, the joys of venting to a blog.

Hold me Father as I tread in the quicksand of "pressure to be".

2008-04-15T10:14:00.000-07:00

Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive -- the risk to be alive and express what we really are.
Don Miguel Ruiz:

Rain and the Rinoceros!

2008-02-13T17:08:00.000-08:00

excerpt from Raids on the Unspeakable, by Thomas Merton

(the following passage is the beginning of an incredible writing A Trappist monk of the Abbey of Our Lady of Gethsemani, Kentucky - Thomas Merton)

I know it seems intimidating and like a LOT of words. Trust me. It is beautiful language!!!

Let me say this before rain becomes a utility that they can plan and distribute for money. By “they” I mean the people who cannot understand that rain is a festival, who do not appreciate its gratuity, who think that what has no price has no value, that what cannot be sold is not real, so that the only way to make something actual is to place it on the market. The time will come when they will sell you even your rain. At the moment it is still free, and I am in it. I celebrate its gratuity and its meaninglessness.

The rain I am in is not like the rain of cities. It fills the woods with an immense and confused sound. It covers the flat roof of the cabin and its porch with insistent and controlled rhythms. And I listen, because it reminds me again and again that the whole world runs by rhythms I have not yet learned to recognize, rhythms that are not those of the engineer.

I came up here from the monastery last night, sloshing through the cornfield, said Vespers, and put some oatmeal on the Coleman stove for supper. It boiled over while I was listening to the rain and toasting a piece of break at the log fire. The night became very dark. The rain surrounded the whole cabin with its enormous virginal myth, a whole world of meaning, of secrecy, of silence, of rumor. Think of it: all that speech pouring down, selling nothing, judging nobody, drenching the thick mulch of dead leaves, soaking the trees, filling the gullies and crannies of the wood with water, washing out the places where men have stripped the hillside! What a thing it is to sit absolutely alone, in the forest, at night, cherished by this wonderful, unintelligible, perfectly innocent speech, the most comforting speech in the world, the talk that rain makes by itself all over the ridges, and the talk of the watercourses everywhere in the hallows!

Nobody started it, nobody is going to stop it. It will talk as long as it wants, this rain. As long as it talks I am going to listen.

But I am also going to sleep, because here in this wilderness I have learned how to sleep again. Here I am not alien. The trees I know, the night I know, the rain I know. I close my eyes and instantly sink into the whole rainy world of which I am a part, and the world goes on with me in it, for I am not alien to it. I am alien to the noises of cities, of people, to the greed of machinery that does not sleep, the hum of power that eats up the night. Where rain, sunlight and darkness are contemned, I cannot sleep. I do not trust anything that has been fabricated to replace the climate of woods or prairies. I can have no confidence in places where the air is first fouled and then cleansed, where the water is first made deadly and then made safe with other poisons.......

People- amazing…he just keeps going, to finish the writing go here…!
http://books.google.com/books?hl=en&id=6rWhzqlpE2YC&dq=raids+on+the+unspeakable&printsec=frontcover&source=web&ots=gT1YYPsQsk&sig=MawV-jlgGbsjuF52ItX9XJsqXuE#PPA17,M1

it is finished.

2008-02-05T22:15:00.000-08:00

Holding on to something that is painful seems normal...apart of us.

Numbing this pain has become second nature...daily.

There is something in that "pain" that convinces you to need it.

"You MUST keep "HOLDING" me."
"I am YOU"
"Who are you without ME"
"YOU NEED ME"

Its THIS voice that crawls beneath your skin and continues to cut away at
your spirit.

I am tired of this pain.

I am letting you go.

I will fight for this freedom....for this right to live pain free.

:)

poster title:--> when we are already dead.

2008-01-23T23:06:00.000-08:00

Well. People.

Last week I joined a team of designers at Metro State College of Denver in a "Social Awareness Poster Workshop".

It was amazing.

This workshop was empowered with over twenty minds cramming loads of research and ideas for three full days.

From forest fires to breast feeding...suicide to child labor...road rage to unsafe meat....political ignorance to man-made poverty......and many more.

It was a great experience ---> Furthermore, because of how good they all turned out we are having a show on Feb 14-16...not sure where...but if your in the Denver area....pop me an email! calstallz@yahoo.com and i'll give you the info!

My poster was meant to communicate the physical and mental murder we conduct when we seperate people. When we remove the humanity from a person and their life and place them in a category... (for example) "Jewish, Christian, Homosexual, Heterosexual, Tax Collector, Prostitute, Criminal, Black, Asian, Liberal, Muslim, Democrat, Republican..." this list goes on and on....and at extreme cases we face the hard to fathom reality of "genocide"...I wanted to make us aware of how we label, categorize, and to some degree ultimatley destroy those unique brothers and sisters we share this great planet with.

again...i left me heart in Ireland

2008-01-14T17:42:00.001-08:00

Yet again, an unforgettable trip to this magical kingdom of culture, friends, and tradition.

I charged the great emerald isle these past two weeks with four great friends.

Phil Johnson, Jesse Courtney, Tim Calimlin, and Tim Wolfe all agreed to take the plunge.

Ireland is so close to my heart.

We had an incredible time and are so thankful to all the memories and hospitality shared.

I'll post some more pictures in my picture blog here soooon.

...ah, a New Year

2007-12-31T11:51:00.000-08:00

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;" ~Ecclesiastes 3:1-4~

ah, for myself...2007 was FULL of personal transition, inner-freedom, and life choices.

hope you make yours life-changing, we are guaranteed NOTHING in this life!

BRING ON 2008!

ah...the beaches of Colorado!

2007-12-17T11:19:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to show yee people the incredible mountain I slapped around with my snowboard a week ago.

Crested Butte, Colorado! <---we got dumped on with 8ft + snow that weekend, uh-mazing.

It was my second time ever taking the plunge down a mountain.

Breathtaking. Sore. Foul-language. Tears of joy. Shocking scenery. Great company and community. Thrilling sport! ----> Im in love with it!

So good to be here!

Im off to Georgia for two weeeeeeeeks, then back to my second home---Ireland!

Happy Holidays PeOple!

Free Range Meats People!

2007-12-05T14:18:00.000-08:00

Yo.

In my Philosophy Ethics course...we are currently being challenged by the morality and justification behind our current relationship with animals.

This subject is intense and for a GOOD reason. If you want to truly engage into the sick mistreatment that goes on behind the walls and mis-guided labels of today, go to youtube.com and type in "animal cruelty". You will "feast" your eyes on more than enough to stimulate the deep trench of ignorance we fuddle around as we eat, test, and innovate our way to tomorrow....(check out the coldplay video if you see it. although, I warn you if you are extra sensitive to viewing animal cruelty.)

The video link below is a simple and very popular cartoon to maybe spark some practical interest into the benefits of free-range products.

www.meatrix.com

Sista C-ssstaaaaav

2007-11-22T23:18:00.000-08:00

Well...

On my way to the women's college volleyball mecca for 3 days!

Lincoln, Nebraska people.

The home of the "Germans from Russia Museum" <--what?? for real, its there! haha...

Nah, this is her last home game in the die-hard supportive Nebraska atmosphere!

As it is "senior" night our dearly beloved blood relative will be honored both as this being her last home match, but also for all of her incredible achievement as a player, captain, and leader for this multi-talented National Championship team!!

noomalump

2007-11-19T22:09:00.001-08:00

I am so fixated on the love of God people.

If you can relate! WATCH THIS!

"Nooma - Lump"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKsg889nI7k&feature=related

If you are reading this and are either confused or uninterested because of my use of the word God....watch it still, id be curious to get ur feedback.....

biatchez!

The Great Symposium!

2007-11-19T12:50:00.000-08:00

Philosophy is incredible.

I have taken several philosophy courses in my student journey at different schools and have loved every minute of it.

Our school library had a book sale two weeks ago and they were giving away thousands of books for only a dollar or two. I quickly grabbed a plastic bag and started rummaging.

I found the Great Dialogues of Plato lying in the bottom of a box. It was all torn up and mangled from it's previous users. It called ouuuuuuuuuuttttt to me and I nabbed it for its content and character.

As reading is one of the things I am really starting to enjoy I thought this would be a good challenge. Something with difficult English, deep concepts, and historical greatness......yup, and that would be an understatement for this book.

I find myself laughing, crying, and completely immersing myself next to Socrates as if I were Plato, watching every move and word from his tongue.

As I just finished the great Symposium chapter I am overwhelmed with reaction to its emotional and intellectual challenge. The idea of Love is so underrated and still to this day is almost seen as weak and something that less to be praised.

As a man who loves sports, the outdoors, and good beer I find that my culture tells me to shy away from expressing and wanting to talk about this idea of "love".

I wont give it away if you haven't read it, all I ask is that you go find the book yourself and enjoy it like I have. If your not at a place to enjoy books, then check it out on here:

http://classics.mit.edu/Plato/symposium.html

Would love to know what you think if you get to reading it!!

It truly is amazing to see and feel the connection between philosophy and thought on this topic well over 2,000 years ago.

"happiness is only real when shared"

2007-11-13T22:25:00.000-08:00

AH.
(pictured above: a few of the most incredible people I came to know and love in our Roscommon, IRELAND family)

Just two blocks away from my apartment....

The Kickhouse. A group of people that are so accepting, loving, and authentic...

I am excited, curious, and more than willing to continue developing relationship and community through and with them!

The power of small groups.......---> people coming together to listen, support, and encourage one another.

I craaaave it!

Tonight we had an incredible group where one of the guys spilled his entire life story.

We started at 7:30 and didn't get out until 11.

Powerful!

If you have ever been curious about joining one...or also feel the craaaaaving to be apart of one.

SEARCH!!!! AND TAKE THE RISK.

Whether its through church, sport, community meetings, ahhh....anything.

Find it! and be open to the constant pricking and prodding at your own heart, passions, or questions.

Also...be prepared to master the under appreciated art of listening!

LOVE IT

I will be sharing.............ahhh.. my crazy life story in a couple weeks!

CraZY COLOR test. TAKE IT!!

2007-11-06T17:19:00.000-08:00

Okay people. I am doing a study on color psychology. This test freaked me out. Please take it, its fascinating. It's based of off the studies of Max Luscher...

incredible.

http://www.colorquiz.com/cgi-bin/start3.cgi

UM?? this isn't me at all!?? AHHHHHH. Freaky. scary. ha ha

Feels that life has far more to offer and that there are still important things to be achieved--that life must be experienced to the fullest. As a result, he pursues his objectives with a fierce intensity that will not let go of things. Becomes deeply involved and runs the risk of being unable to view things with sufficient objectivity, or calmly enough; is therefore in danger of becoming agitated and of exhausting his nervous energy. Cannot leave things alone and feels he can only be at peace when he has finally reached his goal.

new... f O t O ...page. checK it oUt.!

2007-11-05T14:27:00.001-08:00

www.stallzyfot-oze.blogspot.com

--------------> linx

Into The WILD!!...a must see!

2007-11-03T15:55:00.000-07:00

FRESH NATURAL AIR, ENDLESS WILD LIFE, NOTHING BUT THE HEARTBEAT OF TREES AND SOIL....this is living!!

Wow. Last night I went to an irish pub and had a pint of smooth guinness with a friend. With intention of seeing a recommended movie from a friend we showed up right on time. Took our seats in this ancient old theatre dedicated to the incredible art of independant film.

Two and half hours, embarking on this journey based on a true story......intense, powerful, and simple.

I walked out of that movie, challenged, convicted, and emotionally scattered.

I can't describe the amount of sensativity I had to both the specific character and the storyline.

I crave freedom and I constantly have such a hard tug for the wild heart of a man.

Please go see this movie. It is well worth the 8 dollars.

I would love to hear feedback once you see it!

....ahhh save us from drowning in so many of today's lies!

uh...sick, wrong, ...halarious.

2007-10-24T13:32:00.003-07:00

2007-10-23T22:54:00.000-07:00

Ah, the art of late night procrastinating.

I am not meaning to brag. However, to pull out a van gogh in different colors in four hours the night before its due.

ha, eh....

...i dunno.

blah...

just needed to share....!

uh, shez amazing by the way.........

2007-10-21T09:29:00.000-07:00

this is my sister.

she is a rare star that blinds people when shes around them!

http://www.huskers.com/ <---women's volleyball. amazing! uh, were going into business together.

fall 2009.

watch out.

.....hold hands with hot dogs people. its never to late.

i GaTz mY MenTEE !

2007-10-19T12:41:00.000-07:00

Yo!

Well, I just had a long meeting yesterday with Friends For Youth. Its a local mentoring agency that pairs up crazy guys and gals like myself with "at-risk", fatherless/motherless kids. It's a great volunteer program and very similar to Big Brothers/Big Sisters.

I did tons of "mentoring" while I was away in Ireland and even in the hot sun of San Diego. I love it. One on One relationship. ITS so important. Especially in their teens when the rush of puberty comes and direction and questioning life consume the mind.
For those of you who are interested in it! PLEASE email me. ESPECIALLY YOU LADS out there . There is such a shortage of men that will step up to the plate!

To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world."

I am meeting the young man on Sunday and we will embark on our friendship this coming week! I hear the mother is a bit over protective and will be an exciting challenge!

Very excited and I will post once I meet this crazy cat...!

His name is Sebastian!

Hope y'all are welL!

www.friendsforyouth.com

OH, and my impulsive nature is going to be changing majors again this week..so, ill let u know..ha, wow. I can figure a lot of things out, but finishing this whole school thing seems to go against my character.

J

a word from Saint Augustine...

2007-10-15T22:09:00.000-07:00

For one who seeks what he cannot obtain suffers torture,

one who has got what is not desirable is cheated,

and one who does not seek for what is worth seeking for is diseased.

Saint Augustine, Of the Morals of the Catholic Church

...thought

2007-10-15T12:28:00.001-07:00

I was having a really tough day today...don't know why? I just woke up cranked...frustrated...and not in the mood for what life had.

It got worse and I kept staring down the dark hallway of thought like it was an endless tunnel of uncertainty and unknowns....

Then I started talking to someone in class, someone I had never spoken to.....I began laughing...and making fun of how they communicated...."as those of you that know me"..i tend to enjoy the art of "mocking".....

My entire perspective changed and I'm now bleeding with optimism...

AHHH... life is all perspective people.......we have so much to be happy about...

my advice to those that can relate:-->get over yourself for awhile and focus on how great someone else is....

blah...

exhausted by empty design....can I SCREAM!

2007-10-13T11:33:00.000-07:00

Venting, thoughts, and the like....

While currently studying towards a degree in Communication Design, I have made the 5 day/ 48 hour sacrifice to volunteer at the bi-annual AIGA conference. AIGA is the professional association for design that offers professional support for today's top designers. As this has been an incredible opportunity making great contacts and igniting loads of knowledge, it has also been a heavy wake up call in general design character, extreme trendy culture, and artistic ethics.

There have been times during this experience where I have wanted to scream, tear down walls, and rip off hea.....I mean?!

Finding that I get very angry to blatant, crude, and vulgar sexual humor, I told myself to operate with a fresh force field of patience everyday as I learn to interact within this new culture. Constantly listening to heavy criticism, fashion boundaries, and egoistic attitudes; I again tell myself to relax and realize that not everyone in here is like this and that anywhere you go you will find similar energy. Furthermore, I tell myself that people make sense and I am NO better than anyone in this convention center.

Humbled and weak I again embark on a new day and welcome my fellow volunteers and AIGA employees with a smile and fresh attitude.

Command X is the name of the reality show that the conference in putting on. Going along with the idea of "American Idol," they bring seven design students from varying schools to compete against one another until all but one has been eliminated. There highly energized host who is accompanied by four preselected judges. Growing with optimism, I eagarly begin watching this entertaining display of humor, competition, and creation.

If you think about it, it's a great opportunity to go in front of 2,000 of the country's top designers and fight to create, for example the new Denver Broncos Logo.

As the show progressed the judges started making vulgar comments about each other and laughed them off as like it was apart of the show. There were a lot of jokes and puns related to sex, profanity, and the like. I am not a stiff, and I honestly don't mind the occasional "cuss" word in allowing some "exclamation" in my communication. However, abusing that form of communication in such a large audience on top of being a panel of judges who are suppose to be ideal role models for the 600 plus students in the audience seems that it should be unacceptable. It seemed to peak when the jokes started revolving around wanting to hit on or date one of the students. In weak attempts to create crowd giggling, SO much of the original purpose was lost in the immature comments and surface funnies. I felt as if I had purchased a ticket for a live high school drama on MTV. As I started to steam up, I decided to get out of my chair for the "vote" of the winners and losers of the second assignment.

Pancake covered sausages on a stick by Jimmy Dean was the challenge of choice. Funny, creative, and a great idea to keep the crowd engaged with an honest approach in displaying America's strange eating habits. It seemed like something that could be fun and hopefully shift the current energy. The first four examples were very unique and deeply creative and fit the assigned topic. Going with the sexual energy of the crowd, the last contestant chose to have a busty cowgirl riding the pancake covered sausage. Surrounded by sexually twisted text and an attitude of laying it all out there, she sold the crowd. They loved it. Clapping, screaming, hollering, and what seemed to be genuine laughter. Okay, so I smirked and gave credit, if nothing else, to the fact that it was very creative and well designed. However, when it came to choosing the 3 winners out of the five I didn't even give it a chance. Why? Because it was one step from communicating soft porn. It was all about Dalia and her meat stick. Before announcing the winners the judges clearly stated that there decisions were based primarily on there effectiveness in today's grocery stores.

Sure enough the cowgirl was a winner.
The crowd went wild. The judges laughed. The artist was pleased.

I couldn't sit, smile, or think clearly. My face was red. I wanted to hit something. Did I really just see an entire audience and panel of judges come together and choose an ad SO obviously inappropriate for the younger grocery store generation. Did I really see that collectively there was a priority given to the sexual humor over any kind of existing morality.

Ah, I know I have ranted to you people who have read this.

I am not perfect and sure don't have all the answers. I screw up and feel awful about what this crazy culture is doing in my own mind. However, I cannot help but burn, itch, and squirm at the obvious destruction and lack of awareness regarding this issue.

I would love to hear from anyone who has experienced something similar. I felt alone. I felt that I was the only one in that entire theater that could sit and watch what was taking place.

It seems like a simple story......something that any average Joe could just brush by.

I can't.

I feel convicted for just sitting there and watching it.

AHHHH...a;d fjlasjdfkjasl dfjlkas d blah......okay.

Hope you are all doing well! ....and I am doing really well, really!!! ....I just felt the need and desire to share!

Jonathon